Masculine Not Manly, Vol 3: A Letter From a Recovering TouchMeNot Stud

queen latifah and girlfriend in set it off

Written by Bre Ukweli

Dear Lover,

I promise it isn’t your fault that you have yet to make me cum in bed. I also swear on my entire sexual life, that I’m honestly not punishing you with dryness because you’re incompetent. Sometimes I think that the pleasure gene skipped me entirely and my vagina is just there for show and unnecessary monthly messes.

Up until recently, my sexual needs  thrived off of my lovers’ wants. Their moans were like cheering sections that had me wearing my back scratches like medals. Pleasure was just a game that I played for the sake of my ego.

There comes a time in every TouchMeNot (TMN) stud’s life where our bodies inherently begins to grow jealous of watching orgasm after orgasm, from the outside. Suddenly, the feeling of someone else’s wetness isn’t enough to fuel the mental satisfaction and we begin to crave more. But, we’ve already established rules that require us to slap away your hands in the heat of the moment.

We’ve created sexual environments where it’s okay for you, as a partner, to walk away completely satisfied and leave your stud contemplating her life and sexual needs, feeling incomplete for reasons she doesn’t understand.

We’re sorry, even in silence. Trust me on this one.

Rewriting that environment is intense, but necessary, especially if you, I mean we (but mostly me), want to save our relationship; both sexually and emotionally.

You want to know the key to sex with a recovering TouchMeNot stud like me?

  1. Patience.
  2. Don’t pressure me into anything. Allow me to make the request. I know what I need and all you have to do is listen. I understand it can be difficult to wait, but I promise you that’s the best way to get me to be comfortable with you.
  3. Talk to me outside of the bedroom. Get to know me through intimate conversations. Find out not only what turns me off, but also why. The “why” is extremely important. Sometimes there’s a lot more than just a need for control that’s keeping me from enjoying sex.
  4. Lastly, be open-minded, supportive and understanding. There’s nothing worse than making me feel bad about going against your sexual (and heteronormative) expectations. What I mean is, if you get lucky enough to get me to ask to be strapped, you strap up. Simple.

Your pleasure should be my pleasure and my ecstasy should be your ecstasy. Let’s make love to each other, have fun and see how it goes.

Love,

Bre


Bre  is a 24-year-old gender-fluid person living in South Florida. She is a shade connoisseur hopelessly chasing skylines, sunsets and social justice.

Masculine NOT Manly, Vol. 2: Truth Be Told Studs Are Not in Competition With Men

When men think they can just put their hands on women's bodies without their permisison.

When men think they can just put their hands on women’s bodies without their permission. SMDH.

Some disrespectful idiot making fun of masculine women.

Some disrespectful idiot making fun of masculine women.

Some insecure idiot’s handiwork. SMDH.

Written by Bre Ukweli

To feel incompetent in your skin is a hell of a thing. I wonder if men are really intimidated by studs on a daily basis. I wonder if they cup their balls in the palm of their hands at the sound of my name because they really do feel that we are in competition with each other.

Why do these men puff their chests out like proud pigeons when they see us studs with our arms around a beautiful woman? When they approach our partners on the street, do they realize that a stud can and in fact does “love her like he can,” and for longer too, if you want to get into the facts.

 

She’s Not Focused on My Fake Dick

The way they blatantly disrespect masculine presenting women, constantly and consistently, is insane. They tend to bring us up in conversation as if they think about us over blunts, hen and coke cups and “ho talk.” I know men who say things like “if she want dick, why get a fake one?” Instead of realizing it’s not the dick she’s focused on.

I have a dick too and his name is King and together King and I boast seven orgasms in a two-hour session so bro, tell me again what makes you special? Cause King is store bought and came in a pretty clear jar? Oh sir … that’s fine, but the great thing about King is that there can always be predecessors to the throne. The fact is that I can and will be in control of the tools that I have available when I’m in the bedroom. There can be a short and fat Squire inside your girl Wednesday and a long, thick, Duke Of Pussy in your girl Friday but she will be only texting one lesbian, so don’t get comfortable.

Listen here, I am. Not in the. Mood. To go back and forth with you about my love for women and their love for me. Yes, I can love a woman like you can. No, you cannot watch. Yes, I can out fuck you. And yes, I could’ve gotten eight. Fuck you mean? You don’t know me.

 

Masculinity is So Fragile

Is real dick the only asset that you bring to the table? Like, that’s it? You can make a family and I can create one, but is your family that much greater than mine? Your son looks like your wife and your daughter looks like you. My son may look like me and my daughter might look like my wife, so where is the disparity?

Masculinity is so fragile that when “borrowed” (because apparently women just can’t be masculine) by women who love women, men begin to forget that there are codes to this. I’m not talking guy code or girl code; I’m talking about mutual RESPECT.

I pay my bills and take the trash out in my house just like you do. Don’t forget that in the world, there are not just alpha males but alpha females, alpha genderfluid people and alpha non-binary people, too.

I don’t hate men. I don’t know any lesbians that do, honestly, but you all sure as hell make it hard not to dislike you.


Bre  is a 24-year-old gender-fluid person living in South Florida. She is a shade connoisseur hopelessly chasing skylines, sunsets and social justice.