Lies, Lies and More Lies: Why a Lesbian Sistah Can’t Find Love Online

Um is that your real picture? Furthermore, is that your real ass or titays?

Um is that your real picture? Furthermore, is that your real ass or titays?

Written by Aja I. King

Um this online “dating” shit … it’s more than a headache. Especially if you are like me and actually value being your authentic self and placing your heart and innermost feelings in the public domain. I really need to learn to hold back, but it just ain’t in me. It’s like trying to contain an emotional volcano. I feel and I feel deeply.
But back to my online “dating” rant: It ain’t for everybody and definitely ain’t for the faint-hearted. Maybe I’m too naive for these treacherous “dating” waters. I tend to take things at face value until proven otherwise. So now, even in my old age, I actually believe that’s you in that picture. The way the light catches you sexily posing in a bathing suit … silly me … didn’t know you swiped that shit off (I’ll wait while y’all search for that made up site … nosy, thirsty asses). You know what I seriously want to see on these profiles? Pics of sistahs lookin’ the way they do when they first get out of the bed in the morning … full disclosure, baby. This would cut out all this nonsense.

As it stands now… we all seem to be acting like used car salesmen … hoping and prayin’ you don’t notice that leaky gasket under the hood (translation: closet alcoholic) or the completely worn out interior in some spots (translation: your coochie mileage is up there chile, don’t know how else to put it). Most of us are just hoping that we make it far enough along the road of love before you notice these ‘flaws’ and want a damn refund … or worst yet, abandon us inoperable on the side of the road. FYI: the cosmos fines you for that kind of shit, so don’t try it.

Look, you’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. If you don’t want to cop to it, let me be the first to admit it. And the real deal is: Nobody on these damn sites is or hell, we’d all be booed up. And I also realize I won’t be everybody’s cup of tea. Some people don’t like voluptuous or larger women. I get that and that doesn’t bother me. I was one of those people in my younger years before metabolism took me hostage and held me for ransom.

I also get that some women do not like, cannot take, ‘no labels’ like me. They see it as sexually ‘confusing’ or heretic to actually not want to be constricted by some arbitrary sexual category. I can imagine some sistahs thinking: “By Gawd, the bitch likes to wear makeup AND wear men’s boots? Ok, I’m getting this Boy George vibe… I’m confused …fuck dat … where tha ‘real lesbians’ at?” or  “She wants to give AND receive? WTF?

Lol. Yeah, I understand these ‘labels’ make it easier for some of you, but hell, some of us don’t want easy. We want to be acknowledged as a total, complex woman and human being, not just bits and pieces.

I’m a little bit of a tomboy and a little bit of a femme and a complete woman who loves pussy. What tha problem is? Why does that make some women uncomfortable?

Are you just a woman? Are you just black? Are you just crazy? Ok, that may be a bad analogy. You’re either crazy or you’re not. You can’t be a lil’ cray. That’s like being a lil’ pregnant.

So choices and options are good. If I understand nothing else, I understand that a woman likes options. And I’’ like to think I am a mature enough adult to happily allow you yours because I expect the same consideration. I also realize that I’m not as refined as some other sistahs. But I LIKE that shit. And I know that about me. I’m rough around the edges but it all smoothes out in the end. And the right woman for me will recognize and be drawn to that quality. Everything ain’t for everybody. And that is as it should be. If we were all the same, what a boring, pointless world this would be.