5 Reasons Why I’m a Proud U-haul Lesbian


Written by Zamara Perri

She and I have been friends since she was 19 and I was 21. We met at work while in college. She is a brash, funny, liberal and a no-holds barred kinda straight woman so naturally we became really close friends. Over the years, we drifted apart, but I always knew I could call her when I needed to talk and she would do the same. So, when I told her I was moving, she asked me: “Where are you moving to?”

I managed to avoid answering her for the next 10 minutes. Finally, she interrupted my rambling and said, “You’re moving in with your girlfriend. Aren’t you?”

Damn it, I’m 35 years old, why was I having such a hard time admitting the truth to my friend? The truth is that six months after our first date, I moved in with my girlfriend.

So I mumbled, “Um, yes.”

“You are such a U-haul lesbian,” my friend said.

Ouch. No, she didn’t just call me the dreaded “u”-word lesbian. That kind of stung.

At first I was so excited about us moving in together. This was an opportunity for celebration! But, after getting lukewarm reactions, I stopped telling everyone that we had moved in together. My honey just turned 45 and most of her friends have also given her the side eye. Even the mutual friend who introduced us threw major shade when we announced that we were moving in together.

And I realized that I had residual shame from the two other times I moved in with girlfriends and it didn’t work out. Those experiences left me vowing never to move in with another girlfriend again. I have to admit, that I started to have doubts. Was it too soon? Would this be like the time before when I dated my first live-in lover for 2.5 years before we moved in and not long after we had a fiery, devastating crash? Or the second time where I dated another lover for 11 months before I moved in and then moved out only a few months later? These ghosts of failed relationships haunted me for a few weeks. But I still moved in with my love this weekend.

Why I Moved In

beyond_uhaul_lesbian_themed_tee_shirts-r5c97c28cb5644c84bd99689d28e27061_f0yux_1024Why did I move in? Because I’m a proud U-haul lesbian or better yet, I’m an optimist. But make no mistake—love, sunshine and butterflies alone could not make me make such a monumental decision as to move in with someone. I have other reasons, too:

  1. Just because a relationship doesn’t work the first, second or third time, doesn’t mean you give up. As a child, did you give up learning to walk after the third time you fell down? Of course not. You learn from your mistakes and keep moving. Some relationships work and others just don’t. Some live-in situations don’t work out, while others do!
  1. I stopped internalizing other people’s fears. I realize that the same country that brought us Disney’s version of fairytales and the Hallmark Channel’s cheesy romantic movies has a problem with people who fall in love quickly in real life. Americans just don’t believe that commitments made after a short period of time can be long lasting. And there is this myth that lesbians are famous for moving in together too quickly. (For the record straight people do it too.) I have to admit that I’m one of those people who worried when my friend told me that after dating her girlfriend for three months they were moving in together. I was also shocked when a woman told me that she dated her girlfriend for two weeks before she moved in.

Was it a good idea for those couples to move in together so soon? I honestly don’t know and it’s none of my business. What I did notice was that they didn’t seem to have the same fears that I did. Why was I so worried or afraid? I was afraid of making a mistake or worried about what people would think. But I finally came to accept that I really don’t have time for other people’s fears. I’ve had a couple of really horrible heartbreaks and those have taught me how to recognize when someone truly special comes into my life. I refuse to let other people’s fears control my pursuit of happiness.



Click here for reasons 3-5 🙂

5 Reasons why You Should not Move in Together And 5 Reasons Why You Should!

Image by candysdirt.com

Image by candysdirt.com

I met a beautiful young lady just the other day who told me that she and her girlfriend moved in together after only dating two weeks! By the time we spoke, they had lived together six months and she seemed very happy. And lucky. Some of us are not so lucky. I’ve been there, done that and thought I’d share some tips so you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made:

1. It’s time. After dating for a year or two, moving in together seems like the next step. After all, most people are not interested in dating indefinitely. But, are you simply moving in together because it is the next step or are you moving in together because you want to create a life together? If you’re not interested in building a life together, you’ll be little more than roommates and unfortunately that doesn’t make for a lasting living situation.

2. Financially makes sense. Some people move in together to save money and that is extremely practical and unromantic. It may seem much more pleasurable to share bills with your honey than with Jerome but your honey can cause problems that Jerome cannot! And when you fight, there’s no escaping each other. If you’re having a tough time making ends meet, get a roommate or two, and when the roommate gets on your nerves, spend the night at your honey’s house or when your honey annoys the crap out of you, you have your own space to go to.

3. Laziness. Let’s face it, it’s very unlikely that your perfect someone is going to literally be the girl next door. Sometimes she is an hour away or even in a different time zone. It can be exhausting driving or flying to visit her. But I never recommend you move in with someone because you’re tired of the travel. If you’re tired of commuting to each other, put away the moving boxes and plan a special long weekend to recuperate.

4. You spend every night together anyway. This is probably the best-sounding reason to move in together. But I still recommend against moving if that is your sole motivation. Spending every night together is not the same as running a household together. Spending copious amounts of time together having fun is no substitute for facing the realities of life together.

5. It’s temporary. Stuff happens. That’s a fact. So when one of you loses your job, it may seem like your honey is the best person to bunk with until you get back on your feet. Think again and see point number 2 above. Had you talked about moving in together before she lost her job, moving in together now would be fine. No one wants to feel like a back-up plan. In this case, since it’s going to be temporary, don’t put any pressure on the relationship by expecting or offering to prematurely share space.

5 Reasons why You Should Move in Together

So you two have determined that you’re not moving in together for any of the above reasons. If you’ve addressed any of the issues below, it may be time for you to move in together:

1. You share similar long-term goals. You two have talked about your long-term goals and moving in together is not just a temporary, money-saving situation. You are moving in together because you plan to build a family, own a home, etc. All in all, you’re planning to be together and be there for each other.

2. You share the same values. This one is a doozey. Should you not share the same values, moving in together will definitely reveal that. Living together can show you so much more than several carefully orchestrated dates where being on your best behavior ever could.

3. You’ve discussed the what-ifs. Have you talked and agreed what would happen if one of you lost a job, needed to relocate or have family demands? For those of us who are a bit older, we could be the primary caregiver for an aging parent. How will your honey support you during this time? Or if you are a parent, what role does your girlfriend play in the child’s life?

4. You’ve gone to see a counselor. Even if it is just for a couple of sessions, seeing a counselor can be very helpful. The right counselor can help you navigate some hot-button issues and give you some great tools for managing conflict.

5. Accept that there will be problems. Whatever patterns you engage in now to resolve conflict while living separately will serve as a template for how you will fight once you move in together. Some things may change, but know that some things never will and be okay with the latter. By now we all know that life is not conflict-free, and if we can accept that our partners, wives or girlfriends are not perfect and neither are we, the better prepared we will be to share a life together.