Following Society’s Rules Kept Me in an Abusive Relationship

Temeka and Carol never stopped loving each other
Temeka and Carol met and fell in love in college.

Temeka and Carol met and fell in love in college.

Written by Temeka Burton

In 2001 was a freshman at a small historically black Christian college in South Carolina and she was a sophomore when I first met her. I watched Carol for about two months and I made the first move on her. It was her walk, talk, and natural beauty that had me love struck, and I showed up everywhere she went until she noticed me.

I fell so deep in love until the only thing I did was breathe, sleep, and eat this chick. We were together for about six months. At the time we both met, we each had one child.

My son’s father got mad because I stopped coming home, and he told my mom that I was dating a female and that’s why no one could ever find me. After about a couple of months, my parents stepped in and threatened to never see me again.

I’m my daddy’s little girl and the only girl, so he said if I’m going to be with a woman, I can count him out of my life. If anyone knew me then, they can tell you that I valued that man’s opinion above all else. I couldn’t go on without having my father in my life and at the time I was only 19.

I went to Carol’s dorm room and told her once I left school, I was not coming back. She was devastated, she cried and begged me not to leave. The hurt in her eyes felt like a dagger in my heart. (We still discuss this 14 years later.) She tells me her whole world crumbled that night.

I left school and pretended like this never happened.

 

My Children Need Their Father, Right?

I started dating a guy who I stayed with for 10 years, and for the last 8 of them I knew it was not for me. By the end of those years, I had four babies and my motto was, I didn’t want my children to be raised without a dad.

I first met my kids’ father when we were in the 6th grade. So when I left Carol, I just went back to a familiar place, that was him.

The first two years were okay. I managed to suppress my feelings for females until I almost fooled myself.

My kids’ father knew I had been intimate with a female and knew I wanted Carol back. In 2005 I told him I was no longer happy, but we could stay together for our kids’ sake.

I endured physical, sexual, and mental abuse from him. He made me feel like if I left him, no one would want me because I had four kids, so I stayed.

He started staying home more and I found myself flinching when he touched me or tried to kiss me. When it was time for bed, I would fall asleep on the couch; and if I was in the bed, I was up by the time he came to lay down.

My Mother Gave Me Permission to Leave

In 2010 I was so depressed my mother was like, “I see you are not happy, so leave or go to therapy.”

I started being angry and I started preparing myself mentally, physically and financially to leave. I started talking to my kids telling them that, “mommy and daddy will not be living together.” I never dressed up or did my hair so I started pampering myself so I could feel like I was beautiful.

How I Reconnected With Her

The 6 Black Lesbian Couples You Meet at a Lesbian Wedding

The Black Lesbian Love Lab crew recently attended a beautiful black lesbian wedding. The fall weather was perfect, the outdoor rural setting was beautiful and the newly married couple radiated pure love. With love in the air,  we thought we’d ask several of the black lesbian couples in attendance how they felt about witnessing their friends commit to marriage.

 

Nicky and Jackie have been together for 16 years. They met online in a chat room while trying to get Janet Jackson tickets.

Nicky and Jackie have been together for 16 years.

Nicky and Jackie have been together for 16 years.


Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): Does being at a wedding make you rethink your relationship?

 

Nicky: “Our relationship is so strong and solid that nothing outside will affect how we feel about each other. We are just here to enjoy and support our friends.”

 

BL3: Any advice for those looking to solid relationship like yours?

 

Jackie: “It’s okay to agree to disagree.”

Nicky: “It’s your responsibility to make sure your partner trusts you. You need to earn her trust even when she is not around.”

 

Tiffany and Keena met three years ago and reconnected about a year ago.

They shared their thoughts via video.

 

Kim and Nicey have been together for five years despite living in different states. Kim lives in New Jersey while Nicey lives in North Carolina.

Kim and Niecey have been together for five years.

Kim and Nicey have been together for five years.

BL3: Does being at a wedding make you think about your future together?

 

Kim: “Being at a wedding makes me feel excited … like marriage can happen and it will happen.”

 

Jamila and Brittany who met through a mutual friend, have been together for nine months.

Watch their video to see what they had to say about how they felt about being at the wedding.

 

T and Corri have been together for about two months. They met this year during Black Pride.

T and Corri have been together 2 months.

T and Corri have been together 2 months.

BL3: How does being at a wedding make you feel about your own relationship?

Corri: “Optimistic.”

T: “This validates what could happen between us and that it could potentially be sooner rather than later.”

 

Leia and Irene have been together four years.

 

Leia and Irene have been together for about 4 years.

Leia and Irene have been together for about 4 years.

This Maryland couple met on Match.com. Irene never thought she would get married, however, since she has been with Leia, the two have been married three times! Their most recent wedding date took place in the Netherlands in a Catholic church. And they are ready to have another wedding!


 

*Luvly Jones and Zamara Perri conducted the  interviews.

Black Lesbian Couple Among 65 Same-Sex Couples Married in Alabama Synagogue

Crystal Miller, left, and her new wife, Toni, celebrate their marriage at Temple B’nai Sholom in Alabama.

Crystal Miller, left, and her new wife, Toni, celebrate their marriage at Temple B’nai Sholom in Alabama.

According to a recent article in Forward, a Jewish publication, the Temple B’nai Sholom in Huntsville, Ala., hosted 65 wedding ceremonies. Among the 65 couples who married were Crystal and Toni Miller, a black lesbian couple.

Crystal looked stunning in an all-white outfit as she said, “I do’s” with her wife, Toni, while friends and family looked on a Thursday afternoon.

The marriages took place at the temple right after same-sex marriage became legal in Alabama. While some clerks refused to offer marriage licenses and others shut their doors, dozens of couples — gay and straight, from many shades of faith — flocked to B’nai Sholom Thursday and Friday to say their vows in the Jewish sanctuary.

A diverse coalition of advocates stepped in by sponsoring Wedding Week, which was designed to allow couples to wed. Although the week is primarily aimed at same-sex couples, who are still barred from marrying in all the states that border Alabama except Florida, organizers welcomed straight couples, too, who were locked out of the courthouse doors by the legal fight.

The synagogue’s leadership was just as supportive: President Sherman Banks hesitated to comment for fear of bragging about the congregation’s desire to help. But he did offer this succinct explanation: “We’ve got no choice; it’s who we are.”

Most people shared that they never thought they’d be getting married at all let alone in a Jewish temple.

Read more of the story here.

 

Black Lesbian Couple is Alabama’s First Legally Married Couple

Shante and Tori camped outside of the courthouse in Montgomery, Alabama. Photo courtesy of AP Brynn Anderson

Shante and Tori camped outside of the courthouse in Montgomery, Alabama. Photo courtesy of AP Brynn Anderson

On Monday, February 10, 2015 Tori Sisson and Shanté Wolf became the first same-sex couple to be legally married in Alabama. The black lesbian couple made headlines when they decided they would pitch a tent and camp out over night in front of the courthouse in hopes of being the first to marry in the state. They did it! We also wrote about the couple a few months back when they made it clear that they did not intend to travel to another state to get legally married.

Shante and Tori were the first same-sex couple to marry in Alabama. AP Brynn Anderson

Shante and Tori were the first same-sex couple to marry in Alabama. AP Brynn Anderson

On the morning they got married, 21-year-old Shanté said, “It felt like the first time for me. I saw her in her outfit while we were outside at the courthouse and we said our vows. I was just taken aback because I get to wake up to that every morning.”

The couple first met at an apartment party over two years ago. They had no way of knowing that one day they would live in that same apartment as a married couple.

They did an interview with Buzzfeed. Click here to read more about how they met and fell in love. 

The young couple held a commitment ceremony last year and are planning another celebration for friends and family who couldn’t make it to the courthouse.

Congratulations ladies!