Yep, I Looked Through My Honey’s Phone! Big Mistake!

WakingUpLovelyLogo

Written by Luvly Jones

Now, I would like to pride myself and say I am not the type of lady to look through my woman’s phone and I was … until recently. I had a funny feeling and my female intuition was coming in strong and hard. Something came over me and said, “Look through that phone” and next thing you know, I was all up in the business! But I wish I never did. Pandora’s Box was opened and BOOM!

So here is the story …

During this time, my honey and me were not in the best place emotionally. She was very distant and I was trying to figure out why. I knew that her ex had been texting and calling her, giving her the “Why don’t we get back together” business and the “I still love you blah blah blah” crap. So when my honey stepped out the car to go to the store and left her precious Samsung 3 in the cup holder, I knew it was my perfect opportunity to see what was being said between them.

It's so tempting to look through your partner's phone! Image courtesy of Bossip.com.

It’s so tempting to look through your partner’s phone! Image courtesy of Bossip.com.

Well, I found out that the ex was coming in to town. I know I should have kept my cool, but I went crazy. She came back into the car and immediately she could feel that my attitude had changed. She asked, “Baby, what’s wrong?” Of course I said, “Nothing” because I was not about to be found guilty of searching though her phone! I starting texting my bestie, so my honey asked me what I was texting. I told her nothing. Mind you my attitude sucked and we were having a great day before this. She snatched my phone to read what I was texting:

Girl, why I think her ex is in town and she is going to see her tonight.

My honey then asked me why I thought that her ex was here and then I blew up: I proceeded to accuse her of lying about the events she had planned that evening. I started to tell her how she has been making me feel and how distant she had been and while I am saying all of this I am leaving one thing out—that I went through HER PHONE. This made her think I was crazy because I am accusing her of lying and she has no idea why. See, I read the text messages wrong and thought the ex was in town that weekend, but she was coming the next month. By the way, these text messages were recent in her phone at the time and so if she was going to tell me, I didn’t even give her a chance to do so.

In the end, I put myself through so much unnecessary turmoil and torture. I totally misconstrued the few texts that I read on her phone, and had it all wrong, which caused unnecessary grief and heartache to the both of us! About a month later, I finally told her that I went through her phone. She was happy that there was a reason for my crazy but felt slighted that I withheld that piece of information because it explained a lot. OMG, I am soooo glad that snooping segment of my relationship is over! Going through someone’s phone is just too draining and it really takes a toll on you. And truly, with phone snooping, one of two things are going to happen: you will either have peace about what you read or all hell will break loose and Pandora’s Box will be opened!

Click on Page 2 below for some snooping tips!

Can You Stay Together After the Honeymoon?

WakingUpLovelyLogo

Love is great when there are no problems, but what happens after the honeymoon period ends? Image courtesy of Essence.com

Love is great when there are no problems, but what happens after the honeymoon period ends? Image courtesy of Essence.com

You know that “love at first sight” story that will make all of your friends jealous? It’s often followed by a period of bliss, when you get into a relationship, and everything is perfect (i.e. sex, conversations, and the love). Such statements like “I don’t think we will ever argue” will come up and you think everything is perfect, but then … that first argument happens and you find out that the person you thought was so perfect and so magical is now human.

This first argument will cause doubt, it will last for a while and it will be hurtful. Hell, some new couples don’t make it past the first argument. But that is when you know the honeymoon is over and now it is time for reality and the awkward moments. You will start thinking about things that you will and will not stand for; you will have doubts, and even trust issues. It is the moment when you look at your partner and ask “are you the right one for me?” Ugh! Those moments are not easy at all, especially for me. And it’s funny because with my previous relationships (lovers and friends) I knew exactly where a person stood in my life, I knew if the relationship was temporary or permanent (which the majority were very temporary … until now).

For my partner and I, the honeymoon ended after I moved in. We had our first big argument and we broke up for 5 minutes. Well, maybe 30 minutes … thus, a readjustment. Prior to this argument, we really didn’t see the human side of each other, but when we did, all hell broke loose. To be honest, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It was like everything I was doing was wrong and everything she would say or do was hurtful to me. We were in battle. But somehow we both surrendered. I do not know how peace came into the situation but, everything became clear, I knew what I fighting for and every tear I shed was worth it. I know I sound like Tamar Braxton’s song Love and War, but it’s true. I had to re-evaluate—is this my forever person or not? I am sure she was thinking the same. I know she had her doubts. But I am happy that we got through it.

Communication is Key

Now don’t get me wrong, the water isn’t always still. Occasionally we have some severe weather, a few micro bursts here and there, but once it is over, it is over and it’s back to business. I had to learn not to harbor on things. If you let it fester in your spirit for too long, it will just eat you alive and negatively affect whoever is around you. So my method is to let it go and let whatever I am feeling, out! Communication is key! I am still learning how to navigate through my feelings, to discern those which are valid from those that are b.s. and I am learning how to pick my battles.

I have to be honest; I am quick to say stuff out of my mouth without thinking. If I have a feeling or a thought, I will just say it without thinking it through. However, I have come to realize that everything I say is not worth the argument that will ensue afterward. And recently, my partner told me that I was combative. For the record I don’t agree with that assessment! I had never been told that from anyone I ever dated. So as I was arguing back with her, detailing how I was not combative, I realized that I was proving her point. Learning how to pick my battles is a good practice.

We can all learn together, because TRUST is hard! And learning how to be the bigger person is also hard. Conceding to what you perceive is wrong is aggravating and feels like a frog in your chest but the peace that follows is priceless. I am still learning, but I think me and my honey are getting the hang of each other pretty well. I am very grateful for our post honeymoon battle because it allowed me know that we can work through anything. And what we have now is great!

As always … be luvly.

 


 

Luvly Jones is the oldest of three, daughter of a Christian pastor and enjoys writing poetry and short stories. After dating a plethora of women, resulting in many life lessons she now shares her life with the woman she believes is “the one.” In this space she shares her journey of awareness, love, conflicts and getting through a relationship without getting arrested.

Are You With Her for Love or Convenience?

WakingUpLovelyLogoEveryone knows that in today’s economy two incomes are better than one, so living with a partner is now the norm. When the topic of cohabitating came up between my partner and I, it was an easy decision to make. It didn’t make sense for me to be paying rent in a place that I was not staying. I literally was at her house every night. So we did it. I broke my lease and moved right in.

When I told my girls what I was doing, they were like, “Great! What are the arrangements?” I told them that everything would be split down the middle. A silence came over our lunch table. They asked, “Why? If she is already managing the rent herself, why are you paying half? I mean I can see paying a couple bills but why half?” Then the last comment was killer: “Shout out to the red flag.” I thought to myself, a red flag? How could that be a red flag? If someone was to move in with me, I would expect her to pay half of the rent. So why would I not expect the same because moved into someone else’s home? I told my friends that they had straight mindset, and they said, “No, it’s a dom and femme thing too.” (Side bar: My partner does not identify as dom but her characteristics are very dominate.) My friend’s point was to have me question if this move-in plan was for love or convenience.

The Exes and Hoes

WakingUpLovelyLogoThe bliss of being in a new relationship is wonderful. The birds chirp louder, the weather always seems to be perfect, and you know every time your phone rings the sweet, sexy voice of your new honey will be on the other end. Heart flutter city!!!!! Yaaasssssss, I love it. The smell of a new relationship is like the smell of fresh-baked cookies, everyone knows when they are ready… even your exes. I love the way people get all in their feelings when you get into a new relationship because when you were single your ex wasn’t even thinking about you. But, now when you’re in a good committed relationship, all these exes and hoes want to come out the woods.

Engagement ringWhy is it when you see a ring on my finger you want to say, “I would have gotten you a ring too”? Well mother curse word you didn’t. It seems like women can see a ring from miles away. My honey’s ex saw mine. I feel like as soon as she put it on my finger, her ex started sending “I miss you” texts, started to accidently send texts like “Let’s get married” and then send one back saying “Oops that wasn’t meant for you.” Really? These chicks know exactly the moment the person they have done wrong or kept on the side has officially moved on.

I cannot take it! Why now? Why try to make me question my relationship and my choices because you decided you want me now? Nope honey, you lose. People fail to realize that you can’t keep a good girl down. You cheat on her and you lose her. You date her and keep her simmering on that back burner too long and you lose her. You keep her on the side just in case and you lose her. You cannot keep a good girl down. And so why are you popping up now? Do you think you can treat her better now than before? You should have thought of that when you had her and was treating her like crap. I know from firsthand experience that, “you never know a good thing until it’s gone.”

It was best said in the film “Why did I get Married?” directed by Tyler Perry: “Good luck with your 20.” I love that line. For those who have never seen the movie and don’t know what it means, here you go… No one can ever be 100% of what you want the majority of the time. You will get a good 80% but never 100. So some people may go out looking for that 20% that is missing in their 80% lover not knowing that the 20% that they just found is only 20% and nothing more. When that discovery is made, they want to come back home with “I’m sorry,” but now it is too late.

When She Looks at the Cute Girl at the Bar

WakingUpLovelyLogo

The other night my partner and I went out for drinks with a friend of hers. As we were walking to the bar, I noticed a woman with a small waist; beautiful, exotic face; and big, voluptuous breasts. I knew right away that my woman was going to have “the long neck” and would be looking. It just so happened that we sat at a table right in front of this woman. I sat with my back to her, but my honey conveniently had the ultimate view. It seemed like every two seconds, my honey glanced past my shoulders. After about the fifth time, I wanted to grab her by the neck and sit her next to me and share a few choice words, but I remained calm and didn’t say anything.

are you cheating on me

Instead of getting upset with your girlfriend for not being blind to other beautiful women, first consider if you’re just being insecure.

My honey isn’t blind and I know when there is an attractive woman around, she is going to look, and I would do the same but I am never as obvious about it as she is. I know there are pretty women out there and I can run with the best of them. I also acknowledge pretty women. Hell, if you got it, you got it and I will be looking too, but I will not be disrespectful with it nor will I be obvious with it. I am the “oh, babe look” kinda girl. If I see something that is nice, I want my girl to see it too. I am also overly committed, so when it comes to looking at more aggressive women, I see no other but my boo.

However, that night the constant looking made me feel somewhat jealous. Why was she looking at this woman so much? Was I making it out to be more than what it actually was? Well, as it turned out, I was. Call me naïve but when I asked her about it, my honey told me she was thinking, “what the hell is she (the pretty woman) doing.” With my back to the woman, my honey was seeing everything that I wasn’t and it was just curiosity on her part.

So, I had to ask myself what led me to the conclusion that my partner was lusting over this woman? Simply put, just my insecurities. My partner is great at making me feel like I am the only woman she wants and needs, so the fact that I was feeling insecure is something within me.

Before You Go Off

I know every woman has her own opinion about the wandering eye and whether it is disrespectful. I say you can do it, just don’t be over the top and disrespectful with it. The most respectable thing to do is to keep your focus on your woman and if your woman is the one doing the looking, keep a couple of things in mind before you go off:

  1. Your insecurity levels
  2. The status of your relationship

If the ship is rocky, I say go off. But, if you’re good and you know at that moment your relationship is in your “forever status,” leave it be and remind your woman why she picked you.


Luvly Jones is the oldest of three, daughter of a Christian pastor and enjoys writing poetry and short stories. After dating a plethora of women, resulting in many life lessons she now shares her life with the woman she believes is “the one.” In this space she shares her journey of awareness, love, conflicts and getting through a relationship without getting arrested.

Waking Up Luvly: The New “Tattoo”

WakingUpLovelyLogoI remember back in the day when the ultimate symbol of love was getting your girl’s name tattooed somewhere on your body. That showed her you were serious and that your love was real. But now there is a new way to express your love: Facebook.

imagesHow real is your love if it isn’t acknowledged on Facebook? Here is my deal, my partner does not put her personal business on Facebook, and when I say personal business, that includes me. Even her relationship status is null and void. Do I feel some kind of way about it? Yes, but I also understand.

 

Why I Feel Some Type of Way

One day I heard someone ask my partner, “Are you in a relationship?” She responded, “yes,” then her friend said, “No you’re not! It ain’t real unless it’s on Facebook.” When I heard that, I laughed because it was funny but, then after some thought, it seemed so true. The majority of my Facebook friends have several posts, pictures and status updates that show off their love. And sometimes I wish that my honey would do the same and share our love with the world. Shoot, show me off! It’s something that I have never had the pleasure of experiencing and actually never really think about until I log onto Facebook. I catch myself rolling my eyes at all the couple pictures. I’m not hating, just a little jealous.

Why I Understand

images-1Changing your relationship status on Facebook is like showing the world the successes and failures in your life. And who feels like hearing the oohs and ahhs about your status, anyway? Also my partner keeps our relationship off Facebook for professional reasons. It’s not that she isn’t out at work, but she uses her Facebook page as a networking tool and feels that her cohorts do not need to know all of her personal business.

I know the amount of love a person has for you does not equate to the number of posts they share about you on Facebook. But I wonder, does it mean their love is better than yours? I’m beginning to feel that relationship posts with couple selfies and corny quotes are becoming a competition. The “look how happy we are” status updates make me wonder if they are feeling just the opposite. My momma once told me that if a person brags about having sex all the time, they aren’t really having it, because a person who is having sex is not telling the world. So, could my momma’s theory apply to Facebook relationship posts too? Are all the happy pictures and all the “behind every good woman is another good woman” quotes really be legit? Are they really happy or just faking happy? Who knows but a little part of me wants it, a little part of me wants her to let the world know: “Look I am happy and my relationship is awesome” or at least get a tattoo! Lol.

But as always, please sound off and tell me your thoughts below.

 


 

Luvly Jones is the oldest of three, daughter of a Christian pastor and enjoys writing poetry and short stories. After dating a plethora of women, resulting in many life lessons she now shares her life with the woman she believes is “the one.” In this space she shares her journey of awareness, love, conflicts and getting through a relationship without getting arrested.

My Girlfriend Thinks Only Femmes Do Dishes

WakingUpLovelyLogoOne night after my partner and I finished dinner, I took our plates to the kitchen and began rinsing them for the dishwasher. As I approached the sink, I noticed a few dirty dishes from the night before. I politely asked, “Honey, do you have something against dishes lately?” She politely responded, “Naw, that ain’t my role.” Now, as the chills rolled down my spine and every episode of “Snapped” that I had ever watched went through my head, I thought:

This cannot be my honey. Not Miss “We are both women,” not Miss “I’m a woman too,” not Miss “We are equals and everything is split down the middle,” not Miss “Can you take out the trash?” Nope, not her.

So this sparked my curiosity, and I began to think and ask the questions, “What role do I play in my relationship and are the roles of the typical housewife acceptable in this 2014 lesbian world?” Please don’t get me wrong, I love catering to my woman. I love making her meals, rubbing her feet, folding her clothes and making our bed, however, I expect the same. I feel that if two people come into a relationship as equals, then the duties of the household should be distributed equally. For example:

  • We will both cook
  • We will both clean
  • We will both do laundry
  • We will both take out the trash? (I’m going to have to rethink that one.)