Written by Tresaun Lee
I always want to tell people that we (me and Maia) met in some real crazy romantic scenario but truthfully it was online. We both went to the same university but had never before spoken to one another. She claimed to have seen me on campus before and was too shy to say something. One random night in October 2008 we both happened to be on Downelink.
I said something to her cuz she was the only one in the chat room on video and not typing. She didn’t like the setup and said it was too hard to keep up with the convos and that sparked a private IM session. Before long, we were speaking for hours. After we spoke online for awhile we kept promising to link up on campus, but our classes never aligned so she invited me to her house in the city for dinner one night.
She made me pesto pasta, we watched movies, drank and talked. She lived on a popular street in the city so we walked the length of it, perusing shops and flirting then ended up down by the waterfront. It was pretty chill but also very intimate. I have never left her side after that night. Lol.
I Fell in Love
A couple months after we met, I asked her to be exclusive and about a year and some change later, I asked her to be my wife. I’d say I fell in love with her after she went back home to visit family in another country. Never missed someone so much and it was weird cuz from the day we met, we didn’t spend a day apart.
What I love about her is that she is her own person. She is very much like my mother, which I love and hate. She is stubborn and compassionate. Headstrong and committed. What some see as shy and quiet I see as mysterious and layered.
It’s like she reserves her real self for me only and she too sees my demons and angels without me having to verbalize much.
I hate to say it but she is my best friend and not cuz we get along and make a good team but also cuz she knows me where I dunno myself.
The Secret to a Long-Lasting Relationship
If you ask me what’s the secret to making a relationship last, I’ll say, there’s is no damn secret! LoL. It’s hard as hell. The secret is that it takes real life work.
People wanna believe in fairyt ales and the one and only but that is still another living breathing person. We forget our love can be narcissistic and demanding and that our counterparts aren’t puppets.
I think mostly my wife and I are happy with our relationship because we can talk to one another when we need to. Even if it’s the same thing it’s not nagging. We share ourselves and try to lift each other up.
Because I get to see the blood, sweat and tears she puts into making me and allowing me to be the woman I am … I too, wanna reciprocate and show her I’m there to do the same when she needs it. It’s nice to think it’s 50/50 but it never is. Someone always needs the other more and I’m glad my wife knows about realistic compromise and how to keep not only me happy, but our relationship fresh.
I Believe in Non-Conventional Relationships, But Still Wanted a Wife
For me marriage symbolizes a step toward a future. And of course I believe in non-conventional relationships, but I always wanted a wife. When I met mine, I really was partly afraid I would lose someone so important to me without making that grand gesture. Another part of me wanted to show her how serious I was about being just as important in her life.
We had agreed to wait for her to graduate but unbeknownst to us at the time, that two-year plan had become an eight-year one. I felt like her unwillingness to compromise was a larger issue to making me wait on her timeline and she felt like me pressuring her was speaking to me never being satisfied.
What we ended up doing was getting married without the bells and whistles and planning for something larger once she’s out of school. We both had to compromise. We both got a little of what we wanted but in the end I think our relationship got what it needed.
We approached a subject we hated to speak about in a million different ways. We talked till we were blue in the face, we cried and laughed. And in the end it was worth it cuz I know why I wanted her as a wife. No other woman is worth waiting five years for. And soon we’ll have been together 10 years, and I can’t believe it’s only the beginning.
Tre and Maia are in their early 30s and live in Philadelphia. Tre is a poet. Here is a poem she wrote for Maia.