Written by Aryka Randall/The Fab Femme Mag
How many times have you, as a black lesbian, gotten out of a long term relationship and watched your ex-girlfriend move on at the speed of light with some other woman or even worse, some guy? It’s happened to all of us at least once.
Lesbians who are guilty of quickly moving along will argue that this happens in heterosexual relationships as well, but lets get real folks, this shit runs rampant in gay relationships involving women.
Why do women feel the need to move on so quickly after a relationship ends?You have one person who leaves the relationship and runs off into the sunset with someone new, and you have the other person who’s left picking up the pieces of their shattered heart. Social media sites like Instagram and Facebook have become a hub for lesbians to post about whoever the current love of their life is this week. One month they’re in love with “their soulmate” and the next month they’re in love with someone new whom they’ve only known for a few weeks. This begs the question; were you really never emotionally invested into your ex or do you just have a serious problem being alone?
Moving on at the speed of light is a terrible decision. Here are 5 reasons why:
- You look crazy. Flat out. Sorry if none of your friends have clued you in on how moving from girl to girl every week makes you look like an ass, but it does.
- You obviously can’t stand to be alone. Don’t try to hit us with that “I could be alone if I really wanted to” BS either. We all know you can’t be alone with your thoughts and that’s okay. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem.
- You never find yourself. You literally have NO time to figure out who you are as a sole entity before entering into another relationship. How are you supposed to know what you need from another person when you don’t even have a clue as to who you are yet? Questions that need answers Sway.
- You bring energy from your past into your present. When two people spend time together on a regular basis and engage in sexual activity with one another, they exchange energy. Don’t expect to start something new with someone new when you’re still harboring energy from an old situation. Seriously, it doesn’t work like that folks.
- Finally, have some respect for the woman you shared precious moments of your life with. Think about how it must hurt her to see you move on in a short time with someone you hardly even know after you, after you ended things with her.
As we all know, women can be very emotional creatures. Sometimes the thought of being alone with our thoughts isn’t an appealing one. Often times it means that we have do dig through our skeletons and deal with all the emotions we’ve been trying to avoid reliving. Regardless of how much it hurts, it has to be done so you can grow and evolve as a person.
If you’re reading this and you’re a serial monogamist, get help! No seriously, all jokes aside, take a minute to step back and look at the mess you’re making on top of another mess. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself time to move on from whoever broke your heart. Be patient, be trusting, build her and she will come.
This article was first published by The Fab Femme Mag on October 19, 2015 and republished here with permission.