What Forgiveness Looks Like When We F*ck Up

TheLoveGoddessWritten by Giselle Bella

I dated my lover for about 1 year. During our courtship, everything was eloquently going in the right direction. However, after a year and a half, I wanted a better commitment. She wasn’t ready, so I requested a split.

During the time we split, she engaged in an emotional connection with a young lady we both knew and hung out with while we were involved. The young lady is someone who had previously expressed to us both that she was attracted to my lover.

I could have moved past this, but my sticky issue was that she brought the young lady into my presence, after expressing her growing love for me. And after, we had talked about how much we love each other and could work on finding a way to make it work.

My lover paraded this other woman in an intimate way in my presence and that of my close friends and family. The people who knew us, checked with me to see if I was okay and to ask what was happening between us.

I felt embarrassed, to say the least. People saw, people knew and people would judge me.

We [my lover and I] were able to talk about this [Yes, I implement what I suggest] and are moving past it. One day at a time.

 

Love requires forgiveness. Photo courtesy of temperamentaltea.

Love requires forgiveness. Photo courtesy of temperamentaltea.

Recovering The Trust

However…

For the first time, I am feeling distrust for someone I am seeing. Usually when a lover or partner takes advantage of me, through dishonesty, insolence, dishonor and cheating, I remove myself from the situation and never turn back. I have never turned back before.

This is new to me and it is also new emotional behavior.

I find that I question her loyalty, her integrity, her meaning, her purpose, her intentions – HER LOVE.

It has taken me weeks to get here, but I am acknowledging that I am letting my feelings play out, as they should. I feel distrust for a lover and that doesn’t mean I must relinquish our love. The embarrassment I felt had to do with self-pride not love. I knew that my distrust stemmed from a place that is not fair to her but most of all to ME. I deserve better than that from her but most of all, I deserve more than what little chances I was giving myself at love.

How was I to find strength within my love with another if I never endured through the lessons, which bring forth strength? I have to give love a fair chance and that includes remembering the cliché –“Love takes work. Love is not easy but it overcomes much.”

So…

I have never allowed myself to feel or to be involved with someone while feeling anything that was not associated with LOVE. Or so I thought. I am in a place where I am not running from love in hopes that love will find me. What I mean, is that in love, we must work out some things. Yet, we must be supportive to ourselves and know the things, which need work and what kind of work we are to put in.

I lived my life and had partnerships where I tolerated no mistakes. I kept leaving lovers and partners because they made a mistake whether intentionally or not. I left them according to my standards, not that of love. This therefore, did not support me in growing nor learning through the failures and lessons associated with love. This only kept me running and looking for something perfect. I never allowed myself to feel an unfavored emotion toward a lover and grow from it. I shunned any emotions associated with loss, and that impeded my growth.

Now…

I am redoing love. We are both excellent beings and that makes us worthy of each other’s love and passion. We are both in a place where we work on ourselves wholly. We are mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the space where we can support and learn from each other. We are great partners. We implement everything we learn and work on moving forward not staying backwards. I am regaining my trust for her and understanding a better part of me. This is how love grows; this is how we flourish. This is part of what it means to walk in enlightenment and live in love. I finally comprehend that cliché.

Still…

Don’t get me misunderstood. I am no fool.

This is where I am. I love her. She loves me.

This means that I must work at our relationship. This means, I must put in the effort I request. This means I must show up in love and light and learn to forgive. That forgiveness starts with myself. Love is beautiful indeed.

My love to you,
Giselle


 

Giselle “Gia” Bella is a 30-something woman living in Baltimore. As The Love Goddess for Black Lesbian Love Lab, she happily shares her ideas for finding and keeping your lady love. She wrote the Autumn Falls web series for Topp Bottom and published several books, including Gietic: Erotic Poems/Kinky Love Stories and Gietic II: Love and Loss

One thought on “What Forgiveness Looks Like When We F*ck Up

  1. I concur that forgiveness does not mean staying together. However, as the writer, I am stating that the easy part for me was ‘not staying’. Not every situation is similar and not all are different. It’s the lesson in here for me. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔, 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒖𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈-𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈. Therefore, this has much to do with me and my revelations/enlightenment.

    She is not my first and last everything but the relationship we foster is one absolutely worth nurturing and seeing grow. What happened matters but how we deal with what happens matters more.

    If you read the story, I express 𝐦𝐲 lesson here. For me it is about facing love head on and knowing that it is not always a smooth run. This relationship fosters a partnership and we move forward through a spiritual and profound emotional connection. I am open to and aware that it may not be permanent but I am also aware that there is a probability it may be so. In knowing that, I am open to loving, learning and growing through this experience.

    Like

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