I Finally Came out at Work

Written by Zamara Perri

Black feminine women are often assumed to be straight and that can make coming out at work especially difficult. Photo via Madame Noire

Black feminine women are often assumed to be straight and that can make coming out at work especially difficult. Photo via Madame Noire

I started a new job last week and for the first time in my working life I did something I never did before. I came out. It turned out not to be a big deal.


For the first time ever, I didn’t feel the need to: pretend I’m single, convert pronouns from “she” to “he” to “they” or pretend that I have absolutely no social life outside the office. For the first time ever, I felt comfortable just slipping my real personal life into regular conversations. After 15 years as a black queer working professional, I felt absolutely comfortable just being myself.


How did I get here? From as far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed kissing girls. I remember playing house with other little girls. I remember having crushes throughout high school. I even remember having opportunities to be with women in college, but I was too scared to act. And besides, my best friend at the time made fun of a girl who liked me. I was too scared to admit that I liked her back.


I remember my first real job in a newsroom and how the women talked openly about their husbands and children. I didn’t want to be the odd one out. And at that point I was still dating men. I remember dating this one particular boy and how much pressure I felt from the church, my family and friends to just settle down and marry him. I’m so glad that even though I didn’t have the courage to come out then, that I had the courage to leave him behind.


I then took a step that pushed me even deeper into the closet. I started working for a conservative religious organization, which was legally exempt from federal anti-discrimination laws. This meant that if I didn’t follow their strict code of conduct, which included not being gay, I could be fired.


As gay marriage was starting to sweep the nation, homosexuality became a more frequent topic of conversation in my office. I had colleagues, friends and family who, thinking that I was straight, openly told me how they really felt about gay people and homosexual relationships because, you know, the Bible said it was a sin.

I felt targeted, judged, harassed and regularly shamed.

I spent 10 years being terrified of losing my very good job, losing my friends and family and losing the professional prestige I had earned from pretending to be someone I wasn’t.


I remember buying a home and settling down with the woman I thought was the love of my life. No one at work knew about this important development in my life. I couldn’t bring her to company gatherings. I couldn’t mention some of the challenges we were having. I remember the day we broke up, I called my boss crying and asking her for a day off. My boss fancied herself my friend so of course she wanted to know why I was so heartbroken, but she had already made it clear how she felt about homosexual relationships. Even though her views on gay marriage were evolving, I knew I could never tell her why I was in such pain.

Last year in 2014, I was being groomed to take on a more senior leadership role in the organization. I couldn’t take it anymore. I gave my boss one month’s notice and quit. As someone who grew up in poverty and really had no one else to lean on, this was a terrifying move. I rented out my condo. Moved into a cheap, crappy apartment, started freelancing, applied for other jobs and used the library’s WiFi.

Nine months later, I got an offer to work at an HBCU. Although it was a state university, which means they could not legally discriminate against me based on my sexual orientation, I still did not feel comfortable coming out there. There was prayer and other religious mentions during large gatherings. I felt like I hadn’t gotten far enough away from the conservative religious workplace I left behind. I did come out to one co-worker, but that was only after we spent months getting to know each other and going to the gym together.

My new, corporate gig has explicit, written protections against discriminating against someone due to their sexual orientation. When I started work at this place, I made up my mind that I would no longer hide who I am.

I’m a big believer in keeping my personal life separate from the professional. However, pretty much everyone on my team is married or engaged so when they mentioned their families, I felt no qualms mentioning my partner. And in response, my colleagues showed interest in me as a whole person. No one seemed surprised or acted strange when I mentioned my partner. Everyone was so kind and welcoming. I felt like a whole human and like I can now relax and focus on doing what I was hired to do.

I know not everyone is as fortunate as I am to have these protections. Even though gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, there are literally 28 states where gay people can lose their jobs because of who they love. And that is not okay.

There are also hundreds of thousands of organizations that are losing the benefit of having a brilliant, vibrant, diverse, happy, engaged work force because of bigoted and short-sighted leaders who have not made it clear that discrimination of any kind is never okay. That’s too damn bad because no one should have to choose between taking care of their families and living a lie.


Read more about the Employment Non-Discrimination Act here.

Nikki and Amena Marry in a Symphony of Love

Amena looks radiant in her walk down the aisle. Photo by RMN Photography

Amena looks radiant in her walk down the aisle. Photo by RMN Photography

Written by Zamara Perri; Photos by RMN Photography

When Amena Johnson and Nikki Brooks exchanged wedding vows on a beautiful, sunny, September afternoon, both women were surrounded by absolute love. The wedding took place on a hill overlooking the Patuxent River on grounds of the Billingsley Mansion in Prince George’s County, Maryland. The outdoor setting served as a naturally beautiful backdrop for a couple whose love is natural, unfiltered and genuinely sweet.

The wedding, themed “Wine, Music and Art,” was a reflection of all the couple’s favorite things and included their favorite music, some of Nikki’s art and Amena’s favorite wines.

Three years after meeting and falling in love, the couple wanted their wedding celebration to not only celebrate their love, but the people who love and support them. The love of their 100-plus friends and family who celebrated with them was evident in the laughter and conversations heard that day.

Click on any of the photos below to launch the slideshow!

Looking back, the couple said their wedding day was one of their best days so far.

“Having my best friends and family there made it so fun,” Nikki shared. “Seeing my aunt was really important because my mom didn’t come. She led the soul train line. She’s always been there for me. Seeing her there, made me think everything is all right. On top of that, I was marrying the woman I wanted to be married to so the day was beautiful.”

For Amena, having her traditional Christian mom attend the wedding was one of the best gifts that day. “I didn’t know she was coming until Friday. (The wedding took place on Saturday),” Amena said. “When I told her I was engaged, she said she was not going because [gay marriage] was against her beliefs. I sent her an invitation anyway. I called her on Friday and asked her, ‘I’m I going to see you tomorrow?’ She said, ‘yes’ and I made arrangements for her to get to the wedding on time.”

The couple wrote their own vows, which brought their guests to tears. For family and friends who had known these two women for years and even decades, the vows rang true.

“I enjoyed hearing my family and aunt say, ‘It’s amazing that Amena gets you so much.’ A lot of the people in my family have been protective over me. My aunt was ecstatic,” Nikki recalls.

“People said, ‘Wow you are truly happy and it’s great to see you so happy,’” Amena adds. “Sometimes I’m a crier and sometimes I’m not. I didn’t cry at all that day because I smiled all day; I was truly happy to marry the woman I wanted to be with.”

All in all, the couple said they wanted their wedding to be about all the people whom they invited. “We wanted our guests to feel included because this was also for them,” Amena said.

Nikki agreed, “We were throwing a party because we loved each other and we love y’all and that’s what we wanted to convey.”

The couple’s love for their friends and their friend’s love for the couple was so evident. One of Amena’s friends traveled from South Africa to support them on their special day. Several of the speeches from close friends were heartfelt; the wedding officiant, who is a close friend, was so excited and emotional that she forgot to announce the ring exchange; and the wedding party danced up the aisle before the ceremony and back down the aisle afterwards. On that day it was clear how much the wedding guests were truly in love with Nikki and Amena as a forever couple.

Why Lesbians Need to Stop Moving on So Quickly After a Break Up

Think about your dating patterns. Photo courtesy of http://celliie.tumblr.com

Think about your dating patterns. Photo courtesy of Celliie.


Written by Aryka Randall/The Fab Femme Mag

How many times have you, as a black lesbian, gotten out of a long term relationship and watched your ex-girlfriend move on at the speed of light with some other woman or even worse, some guy? It’s happened to all of us at least once.

Lesbians who are guilty of  quickly moving along will argue that this happens in heterosexual relationships as well, but lets get real folks, this shit runs rampant in gay relationships involving women.

Why do women feel the need to move on so quickly after a relationship ends?You have one person who leaves the relationship and runs off into the sunset with someone new, and you have the other person who’s left picking up the pieces of their shattered heart. Social media sites like Instagram and Facebook have become a hub for lesbians to post about whoever the current love of their life is this week. One month they’re in love with “their soulmate” and the next month they’re in love with someone new whom they’ve only known for a few weeks. This begs the question; were you really never emotionally invested into your ex or do you just have a serious problem being alone?

Moving on at the speed of light is a terrible decision. Here are 5 reasons why:

  1. You look crazy. Flat out. Sorry if none of your friends have clued you in on how moving from girl to girl every week makes you look like an ass, but it does.
  2. You obviously can’t stand to be alone. Don’t try to hit us with that “I could be alone if I really wanted to” BS either. We all know you can’t be alone with your thoughts and that’s okay. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem.
  3. You never find yourself. You literally have NO time to figure out who you are as a sole entity before entering into another relationship. How are you supposed to know what you need from another person when you don’t even have a clue as to who you are yet? Questions that need answers Sway.
  4. You bring energy from your past into your present. When two people spend time together on a regular basis and engage in sexual activity with one another, they exchange energy. Don’t expect to start something new with someone new when you’re still harboring energy from an old situation. Seriously, it doesn’t work like that folks.
  5. Finally, have some respect for the woman you shared precious moments of your life with. Think about how it must hurt her to see you move on in a short time with someone you hardly even know after you, after you ended things with her.

As we all know, women can be very emotional creatures. Sometimes the thought of being alone with our thoughts isn’t an appealing one. Often times it means that we have do dig through our skeletons and deal with all the emotions we’ve been trying to avoid reliving. Regardless of how much it hurts, it has to be done so you can grow and evolve as a person.

If you’re reading this and you’re a serial monogamist, get help! No seriously, all jokes aside, take a minute to step back and look at the mess you’re making on top of another mess. There’s nothing wrong with giving yourself time to move on from whoever broke your heart. Be patient, be trusting, build her and she will come.

This article was first published by The Fab Femme Mag on October 19, 2015 and republished here with permission.

Love to Travel? Marry a Woman With an Insatiable Wanderlust

Tiffany and LaToya travel through Asia.

Tiffany and LaToya travel through Asia. Here they visit temples in Balid and Ubud in Indonesia.


Written by Tiffany and LaToya Rose

This goes out to all of you insatiable wanderlusters, nomads at heart, and even those who dream to be.

PSA: Do not date stagnant people a.k.a non-travelers.

If you dream of  hiking Machu Picchu, camel riding in deserts of the UAE, snorkeling in Thailand, drunken dancing in the wee hours of the morning on the  streets of Sevilla or waking up to an Indonesian sunrise, trust us, dating a non-traveler will NEVER work!

We speak from experience.  A number of years ago before I met my beautiful wife,  I dated a woman who talked a BIG game about seeing the world, but it never came to fruition.

Having studied abroad, my wanderlust-crazed self would plan trips, and make itineraries for us to exotic locations. All for her to convince me that NOW wasn’t the time, or that there were more practical and pressing issues to handle before we went on a trip. I even suggested  that we take a sabbatical and live abroad for a year then return stateside, but of course she was having not of that.  Always patronizingly asking me “ What are you running from?”

Surprise, surprise , those trips never happened and neither did the rest of our relationship.  Now I’m not saying that this issue was the singular cause of our break up, because it wasn’t. But me being the  person  I am , it was definitely a BIG issue.

Years later while living as an expat in South Korea, I met my beautiful wife. She shared my insatiable wanderlust and love of foreign adventures. When I said where to next and she grabbed her passport, I knew she was the one.

Click on any of the pictures below to launch this photo gallery of some of their travels.

We’re not saying a relationship between a traveler and a non-traveler is doomed but let’s be honest we all know that when your core values detour from each other’s,  the relationship is headed towards a DEAD END.

A non-traveling mate will never understand your wanderlust. At times he/she may even mock and marginalize your traveling desires. Saying the tried and true “ When are you going to grow up and settle down?” “ You cant live like that forever.” “ What are you running from?” “ You should invest in something tangible, for example a house, a car … cable!”

A non-traveler mate wont be able to rationalize your $600 ticket to Rome for your birthday instead of a new birthday outfit and a night of drinks at the new posh watering hole in your neighborhood.  It’s one thing to be nervous about international travel and it’s a whole other thing to resign yourself against it.

Please beware of those ardent non-travelers, trust us, your nomadic heart will wither in their stagnant grasp.

Trying to convince a Non-Traveler that the world outside their bubble isn’t the scary inhospitable  black hole they thought it  was, is  like trying to persuade Kim Davis to officiate Raven Simone’s Big Gay wedding. It’s not happening!

Now of course we are biased! We are travelers, through and through.

But we’re not snobs or travel elitists. We understand that TRAVEL isn’t a PRIORITY for EVERYONE. Not everyone every gets a rush by booking tickets, earning passport stamps, and experiencing new adventures.

Start small, wet your toes. Begin with the Caribbean and South America. Once you’ve ventured out…drop a few more bread crumbs and head to Europe. When you get to Asia…give us a call!

You learn a lot about a person when you travel with them. Your attitude can turn an ordeal into an adventure. In our opinion there is no doubt, that traveling with your partner can help strengthen your bond.

Whether you and your mate earn one stamp together or eighty four, we encourage everyone to step outside your comfort zones and see a bit of the world. It’s a truly amazing place. You may surprise yourselves.

So here’s to LOVE and WANDERLUST. We wish you all, the BEST of BOTH!

Tiffany and LaToya Rose are a married, black lesbian couple who are living in Shanghai, China, seeing the world and trying to conceive a baby. This article was originally published on their blog: ThisIsOurNrml.com.

Interracial Deaf Hearing Lesbian Couple Shares The Great, The Bad & The Uncomfortable

Kat and Christina

What happens when a black, deaf, lesbian talks candidly with her wife, a white, hearing lesbian about some of the great, bad and uncomfortable moments of their marriage? In this absorbing seven-minute The Skin Deep video, Kat and Christina’s story sounds like every other couple’s. They talk about their happy moments, their son, family misunderstandings and common communication challenges that all couples can relate to.

Christina asks Kat to share three of her favorite things about their relationship. Kat lists all the things that she loves about their marriage from their travel adventures to everyday things like drinking tea together and their conversations.

Kat asks Christina how her deafness impacts their lives. Christina honestly shares that she doesn’t feel like they can go out as much because others don’t sign and Kat ends up being left out.

They then ask each other a really interesting question: Who sacrifices more in the relationship. Both are surprised by each others’ answers.

What I enjoyed most about this couple was just how remarkably well they communicated and I don’t know if that is because having a deaf partner forces communication.

Check out the video below and share your thoughts in the comments 🙂

Loving a Black Lesbian Breast Cancer Survivor

My love and I wait at the hospital for her monthly injections.

Me and my love wait at the hospital for her monthly injections.

Written by Zamari Perri

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This means that people are asking me to donate to some breast cancer race, buy some pink ribbon products or asking me to go bra-free to raise awareness for breast cancer.

These pink October activities really piss me off because these things do so little to actually help the millions of women and their families dealing with breast cancer. They also doesn’t reflect the day-to-day reality of the women who have been through this horrible disease much less what it is like to love a survivor.

I met my partner after she completed 18 months of chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Even though she completed her major cancer treatments in 2013 and is in remission, the disease still impacts our lives every day.

In an effort to begin her healing process, she started taking yoga lessons and is now a fit yoga teacher and overall positive person. Because of this, people don’t realize that she still has limitations and concerns caused by cancer. Every day she takes medications to keep the cancer away, and every month she goes to the hospital for painful injections. She will be going to the hospital every month for the next two years.

As her partner, I see her struggle every single day. I see how the treatments cause her constant pain. I see that she can’t sleep. On top of that, my partner, a black lesbian butch/stud identified woman, endured a harrowing, double mastectomy and is now sensitive about her body where she previously wasn’t.

In the year that we’ve been together, I’ve learned many lessons about loving and supporting a breast cancer survivor. Here are just a few:

  1. After being out of work for two years, her finances have been devastated. My partner went from running her own successful business to now trying to rebuild what has been lost to cancer. That means she’s a lot more cautious about how she spends her money. She’s the type of woman who would rather spend money on skydiving or travel, than on things. I’ve learned to really appreciate the simple things and enjoy the care she puts into her gifts.
  2. She is still a woman in every way. While she may still be self-conscious about the scars left behind post surgery, she still wants to be desired. Still wants passionate love making. She still wants her femininity acknowledged.
  3. Team work makes the dream work. She’s a stud and I’m a femme, but in the end, we don’t focus on roles. We focus on having each other’s backs and supporting each other through this journey called life.
  4. Compassion, not punishment. When someone has been through fire, their time and attention is precious. Instead of giving her the silent treatment as “punishment,” my partner has taught me the value of compassion and communication. She has taught me that going through breast cancer is punishment enough and she doesn’t need it in her most intimate relationships. Instead, we try to remember how fortunate we are to have each other and regularly crack each other up.
  5. Every couple needs a tribe. I really have to recognize the women who carried my love through her worst days when she was bald, throwing up, weighed 98 pounds, scared and fighting for her life. Without them, I would have never known this incredible woman. These women continue to support her and support us every day.

In 2013 alone some 27,060 African American women developed breast cancer while 6,080 died from the disease, according to the American Cancer Society. This means that someone you know may be going through treatments now, have survived the disease or have died from breast cancer. Please do more than wave a pink ribbon. Reach out to someone who is fighting cancer. Buy them groceries, do their laundry, be a listening ear or make a donation to an organization that directly supports patients and survivors.

Consider donating to the Cancer Support Foundation, a Maryland-based non-profit that gives 100 percent of all donations to cancer patients. They were super supportive in helping my partner get back on her feet.

What Forgiveness Looks Like When We F*ck Up

TheLoveGoddessWritten by Giselle Bella

I dated my lover for about 1 year. During our courtship, everything was eloquently going in the right direction. However, after a year and a half, I wanted a better commitment. She wasn’t ready, so I requested a split.

During the time we split, she engaged in an emotional connection with a young lady we both knew and hung out with while we were involved. The young lady is someone who had previously expressed to us both that she was attracted to my lover.

I could have moved past this, but my sticky issue was that she brought the young lady into my presence, after expressing her growing love for me. And after, we had talked about how much we love each other and could work on finding a way to make it work.

My lover paraded this other woman in an intimate way in my presence and that of my close friends and family. The people who knew us, checked with me to see if I was okay and to ask what was happening between us.

I felt embarrassed, to say the least. People saw, people knew and people would judge me.

We [my lover and I] were able to talk about this [Yes, I implement what I suggest] and are moving past it. One day at a time.


Love requires forgiveness. Photo courtesy of temperamentaltea.

Love requires forgiveness. Photo courtesy of temperamentaltea.

Recovering The Trust


For the first time, I am feeling distrust for someone I am seeing. Usually when a lover or partner takes advantage of me, through dishonesty, insolence, dishonor and cheating, I remove myself from the situation and never turn back. I have never turned back before.

This is new to me and it is also new emotional behavior.

I find that I question her loyalty, her integrity, her meaning, her purpose, her intentions – HER LOVE.

It has taken me weeks to get here, but I am acknowledging that I am letting my feelings play out, as they should. I feel distrust for a lover and that doesn’t mean I must relinquish our love. The embarrassment I felt had to do with self-pride not love. I knew that my distrust stemmed from a place that is not fair to her but most of all to ME. I deserve better than that from her but most of all, I deserve more than what little chances I was giving myself at love.

How was I to find strength within my love with another if I never endured through the lessons, which bring forth strength? I have to give love a fair chance and that includes remembering the cliché –“Love takes work. Love is not easy but it overcomes much.”


I have never allowed myself to feel or to be involved with someone while feeling anything that was not associated with LOVE. Or so I thought. I am in a place where I am not running from love in hopes that love will find me. What I mean, is that in love, we must work out some things. Yet, we must be supportive to ourselves and know the things, which need work and what kind of work we are to put in.

I lived my life and had partnerships where I tolerated no mistakes. I kept leaving lovers and partners because they made a mistake whether intentionally or not. I left them according to my standards, not that of love. This therefore, did not support me in growing nor learning through the failures and lessons associated with love. This only kept me running and looking for something perfect. I never allowed myself to feel an unfavored emotion toward a lover and grow from it. I shunned any emotions associated with loss, and that impeded my growth.


I am redoing love. We are both excellent beings and that makes us worthy of each other’s love and passion. We are both in a place where we work on ourselves wholly. We are mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the space where we can support and learn from each other. We are great partners. We implement everything we learn and work on moving forward not staying backwards. I am regaining my trust for her and understanding a better part of me. This is how love grows; this is how we flourish. This is part of what it means to walk in enlightenment and live in love. I finally comprehend that cliché.


Don’t get me misunderstood. I am no fool.

This is where I am. I love her. She loves me.

This means that I must work at our relationship. This means, I must put in the effort I request. This means I must show up in love and light and learn to forgive. That forgiveness starts with myself. Love is beautiful indeed.

My love to you,


Giselle “Gia” Bella is a 30-something woman living in Baltimore. As The Love Goddess for Black Lesbian Love Lab, she happily shares her ideas for finding and keeping your lady love. She wrote the Autumn Falls web series for Topp Bottom and published several books, including Gietic: Erotic Poems/Kinky Love Stories and Gietic II: Love and Loss

This Southern Femme Is Willing to Do Anything for Her Stud …

Sherrita gets busy in the kitchen preparing Sunday dinner for her family.

Sherrita gets busy in the kitchen preparing Sunday dinner for her family.

It was an early Sunday morning and Sherrita Sanders was up hours before her wife, Katrina, doing something she normally doesn’t do. She is getting a start on Sunday dinner. As a black lesbian femme living in the South, where soul food is central to family gatherings, people expect the femme to be queen of the kitchen.

“Funny thing about me cooking is that I don’t do it because I don’t know how to,” Sherrita confessed. “But I will learn … anything to make her life easier.”

Sherrita is used to her wife, a stud, doing all the cooking. But this morning, “I just wanted to let her sleep. She worked seven days this week.”

She added, “I am so blessed! She does this for our house four times a week but I just need for her to relax and let me take care of her.”

Even though cooking is Katrina’s passion, Sherrita said it was important for her to start helping her “Ace” with the cooking. Especially on Sundays, when friends and family come over to their home for dinner, laughs and conversation.

In order to give her wife a break, Sherrita bought cookbooks and is getting advice from friends and family about how to put together a delicious meal! In addition to getting advice on how to heat things up in the kitchen, she says she’s also getting marriage tips from women in her family who are more experienced in matters of marriage and cooking.

Katrina and Sherrita Sanders got married March 2015.

Katrina and Sherrita Sanders got married March 2015.

When she was done throwing down in the kitchen today, both Sherrita and Katrina were pleased, proud and happy.

“We do what works and what keeps love and compassion fresh in our marriage no matter what role we hold in the relationship,” Sherrita says.

The Sanders, who got married in March, live in Houston, Texas.

The Sanders Sunday Dinner Menu

Cornbread chicken dressing


Pork steaks

Rice with gravy

Banana pudding for desert


Don't you just wish you could grab a plate?

Dinner at the Sanders’ home is served!


Guidelines for Black Lesbian Love Lab Writers


Www.blacklesbianlovelab.com is a blog focused on black lesbian relationships. We are very dedicated to providing healthy relationship content that speaks directly to our community. We are currently accepting original, unpublished relationship articles from black lesbian women. We are currently looking for articles on dating, relationships, marriage, family, fashion etc., as told from the unique black lesbian perspective.


6 Steps to Becoming a BL3 Writer:


  1. Come up with 2-3 blog post ideas that you think will appeal to our audience.
  2. Send your ideas to Zamara Perri at editor@blacklesbianlovelab.com. Be sure to include a brief bio and your relationship status.
  3. Once you and Zamara have discussed your ideas and agreed on a topic, get to writing!
  4. People have short attention spans so please keep your articles under 1,000 words. You are likely to have more people read your article if it’s between 500 and 700 words.
  5. Know that your article will be edited and packaged to fit the blog’s style. Even the very best writer needs a second set of eyes on the article.
  6. Once your article has been posted, please be sure to share it with your circle of friends on social media.


3 Tips for a Great Blog Post

  1. Personal: People are interested in people they can relate to so don’t be afraid to be yourself. We want to hear your real thoughts, feelings and opinions. Share examples from your own life or your friends’ lives.
  2. Invite conversations: This blog is a safe space for black lesbians to talk and share their advice, ideas and experiences so bring up conversations that you’re already having with your friends. You can be funny, deep, controversial, even offensive, as long as the writer respects her readers.
  3. Uniquely address black lesbians and their romantic relationships. Don’t forget who your audience is. While many relationship topics can apply to any relationship, black lesbians tend to have unique relationship experiences that are often not addressed in mainstream media or mainstream LGBT media. So, don’t forget to write for our community.


At this point articles are unpaid. The writer will have the benefit of working with Zamara Perri, who has 15 years of professional writing experience. Accepted articles will be edited, packaged and promoted to thousands of readers across various social media networks.

Interested writers should contact us at editor@blacklesbianlovelab.com.

What Happens When a Lesbian Falls in Love With A Bisexual Woman?

Renata and Tysha

Tysha and Renata were only supposed to be friends.

Written by Renata J. Austin Hall


After my relationship of five years ended, I spent a year being single. I was getting to know myself. I started to do what I love again: styling hair, traveling, writing poetry, sketching, reading and embracing my family.

When I decided to date again, I signed up for an online dating service. I felt it was time for me to date and have fun. I was introducing my heart for the first time, so I wore it on my sleeve proudly. During my season of dating I encountered some craziness, but regardless of the situations, I remained optimistic and happy. Despite what I encountered, I knew God was protecting me, which kept me happy.

Now let me fast forward to October 11, the day I met Tysha online. When I read her profile, I saw that she was bisexual.

I immediately thought to myself, “This will be fun, because my quest was to be single and not sleep with anyone. So she would be perfect to build a friendship without benefits. I will not catch feelings for a bi woman.”

I reached out to her and said, “Hello, my fellow Leo.” She replied, “Hello.” And from that moment, we were in trouble.

We exchanged numbers, we texted and met up at a club. It was right in the middle of dancing with her that I knew! I had no reservations. I forgot she was bi. I forgot she was married with kids and was visibly separated. Love made me forget.

She didn’t know what I was feeling that night because I had to keep my cool. It was NOT love at first sight. It was love at first touch. Our energies collided. We melted into each other. We had pure chemistry. This was an attraction we could not avoid.

Renata, left, says Tysha enhances her smile.

Renata says Tysha enhances her smile.

We tried to fight it; we even screamed it out. But, our love spoke way too loudly. This was when I realized that she was an enhancement to my smile. We carried out our love affair and, even during our struggle, I was still happy. This was when I knew I had something precious to give, which was myself.


Do not get me wrong; everything was not perfect. We had baby daddy drama, ex drama from both sides and we still did not walk away.


We also had some pain bodies. However, I named my body, my smile, my soul, my heart and my power, “ricochet,” because everything you shoot at me will bounce off. And I believe this is where our connection happened.


We believed we’re bulletproof, which made us want to protect our union even more. When I describe us, I see love. When I describe me, I see happiness. When I describe her, I see happiness.

We will survive as lovers, but most of all as friends.

Now is the moment of truth: Tysha is happily divorced and we are approaching two years as a couple. She is the enhancement to my happiness, but if she were to leave today or tomorrow, I will be sad. The sadness would be temporary because the happiness within me will last a lifetime.

This happiness I have is internal and this is a lifetime supply of eternal bliss. To wake up everyday is a gift and each time I open my eyes, I see the presence of God. He has granted me the opportunity to do what I love most, and I promised him I will live like yesterday never existed.