Written by Soraya*
People are always surprised to hear me say this: I prefer to date younger women. You may think that I’m the superficial, Hugh Hefner type of lesbian who is looking to trade in a new model for someone younger, and you’d be wrong. The truth is that as a black lesbian who is active and athletic, younger women fit my lifestyle better.
I’m 45 years old and my partner is 10 years younger than me. And no, we’re not in the club every night and having sex like rabbits (although I have a high sex drive, hers is lower than mine). She is beautiful, smart, mature, self-aware, honest, plays no games and knows who she is and what she wants. If she had been my age when we met, I would have still found her attractive.
It’s not that I make it a point to go hunting for younger women to date. Historically, I’ve dated women my age or older. It’s just that I’ve always been active, progressive and passionate. As I get older, women my age tend to be more conservative, stop doing new things and frankly become boring. My life doesn’t end because I hit middle age. As a matter of fact, now that I’ve survived some difficult things in life, I’m even more committed to living the life that I truly want.
The type of women I find attractive really know how to enjoy life and really don’t care too much about what anybody thinks they should do, how they should behave and who they should date. So, over the past couple of years, I’ve found myself attracted to younger women.
I’m not the only mature lesbian who thinks this way. I asked three of my friends their opinions and this is what they had to say:
Pat: I’m 53 and I’m not dead yet but it seems like these women my age have nothing left to live for. I’m always on the move. I love going out and being social. I like women who can keep up with me. I’m not trying to spend all my time in church. Some of the women my age are trying to wife me up in a matter of days just so we can sit around on the sofa. No thanks, that’s not my idea of fun. So that kind of narrows down the dating pool for women my age. I’ve been spending a lot of time with a woman who is 20 years younger than me. She is active, fun and stylish. It’s nothing serious, but we have so much fun together. Don’t get me wrong, I want to settle down, but it’s got to be with someone who enjoys life as much as I do!
Lisa: I’m 61 and have been single for a good long time. The last woman to catch my eye was 20 years younger than me. I would love to have a partner but I’m in no rush to commit to the wrong one. I’m actually a homebody. I love my big circle of family and friends and I love cooking on the grill. I want to be with someone who thinks outside the box. One of the issues I have is that older black lesbians seem stuck on gender roles. I give off a stud vibe, but I really don’t care to be put into a box or labeled. I date femmes, studs, and no labels. I want a woman who will buy me flowers sometimes or pay for a date. Some find that unusual. Most lesbians my age don’t know what to do with me, so instead of dealing with someone who treats me like a man, I stay single.
Kat: I’m 67 and I’m flirting with a woman half my age. I have no shame. I did everything I was supposed to do in my previous, long term relationship with a woman my age. I got married, we raised a son and things still didn’t work out. I mourned my ex for 10 years. I wasn’t looking for anything when this fine young woman caught my eye. There is something about talking and flirting with her that makes me feel so good. She is a business owner, she’s sexy and she is interested in me. I don’t really know where things will go from here and I don’t care. All I know is that we have our first date this weekend and I can’t wait to spend more time with her.
So there you have it, we have spoken our truths and we don’t plan to change. We would never ask anyone to change who they are in order to be comfortable in a relationship. So go out and date who you want and enjoy life. We certainly are!
*Soraya and her friends prefer to only use their first names.