Sappho’s Salon: Why Don’t Lesbians Want Relationships?

Everyone wants love, commitment, loyalty, communication and respect, right? Photo courtesy of She Meets Her

Written by Leah Glass

I’m on the dating scene for the first time in my life. I’m 50 years old. I have three grown children and 10 grandchildren. I was married to a man and then divorced.  I had only been with women since then.

My first relationship with a woman lasted for 10-plus years. She was my first lesbian relationship and I took pride that she was the only woman I had been with.  When I moved to the state that she lived in, I found out she cheated. So I broke up with her and moved by myself into the home I had bought for the two of us.

Now that I’m dating, I’m running into people who are sometimes shallow, gold diggers or just looking for sex.  

And I’m not looking for any of that.  My cousin’s mother once told me: “Baby, you can get f***** when you can’t get fed.” She is in her eighties but she was so right!

I’ve talked to some women, but they are not looking for what I’m looking for.  And that is the relationship like my grandparents had–that forever type of love.  We are all looking for love, commitment, loyalty, communication and respect, right? Wrong!

I’m starting to realize that some lesbians don’t want relationships and I wonder why. Well I could have just given you my opinion, but that wouldn’t be right.  So, I asked some of my friends and family members. Here is what they had to say:

La: We as people make it so easy to just sleep around.

We don’t date. We just meet people for the first time and end up in bed with that person.

And the majority of the time that’s the end of that when you just give it up that fast.

I’ve hung out with studs in strip joints and at other events. A lot of women don’t have morals. All a stud has to do is smile at these women and they just drop their panties. These studs don’t even have anything going for themselves! Some of them have sex appeal that’s out of this world (swag). I also notice that some people are just greedy and want it all—the wife at home and that side chick.

Becca: Some people are very scared of commitment, some are still playing the field and some are hanging on to their past.

Kai: Most people aren’t being honest with one another. Everyone should just be honest and let everyone involved with them know what they are looking for.

What does Leah Denise Glass think is the reason lesbians don’t want relationships? I agree with what my friends have to say. I also think that some of us are just greedy and want the best of both worlds. And some lesbians are just not emotionally available for any one while some just don’t know what they want.

I think everyone needs to just be honest and look for that inner beauty instead of the outer appearance. Especially since what usually looks good on the outside is never good on the inside. Women learn your self worth and know that you are worth true love.

***

We’ve told you what we think, join us in Sappho’s Salon. Tell us, why do you think lesbians don’t want relationships?

13 Black Lesbian Couples Who Prove That Natural Hair is an Afrodisiac

If she is rocking a fierce afro, tossing her flowing locs, wearing her intricate braids like a crown, flaunting a sharp fade or a flirting with a two-strand twist out, there is something that is irresistible about a naturalista black lesbian. So there is something extra sexy about black lesbian couples who have doubled up on kicking the creamy crack to the curb for good. Here are some of our favorite couples that prove that natural hair is indeed an aphrodisiac.

 

Christen and LaTanya married summer 2015. Christen, the musical half of this adorable Baltimore-based couple, wrote this song for her wife.

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I May be Doing You but I’m Thinking About Her: 7 Reasons Why Rebound Lesbians Never Win

Who is she thinking about? Is it you or the ex? Photo courtesy of Rainbow Rendezvous

Written by Zamara Perri

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day when I noticed that two of my lesbian friends had posted something that made me stop in my tracks and my eyes bug out of my head: “Enjoying date night with my wife.”

I was surprised because for the past year all I’ve heard from this couple is how they were ready to end their 10-year marriage. It had gotten to the point where my boi “A” even went and got herself a girlfriend. Her wife “B” seemed happy as hell for her. A month ago B even told me face to face that it was over even though they were still living together. So now that they were both wearing their wedding bands again and cheesing about their love for each other I was a little surprised. But not much.

Why? Because I’ve been in the same position. And I honestly feel sorry for the girl who my friend was messing with because she got the raw end of the deal.

There is a saying that lesbians never break up and I find that true to a certain extent.

When two women get into a relationship something extra other than just sex and chemistry pops off. Women tend to form an extra deep friendship and emotional connection that often goes above and beyond what seems to happen in heterosexual relationships. We tend to notice more similarities than differences and sometimes we like each other so much that we spend a lot more time together than a typical heterosexual couple would.

So when many lesbian relationships end, it takes a long time to disentangle ourselves emotionally from the other person. Trust me I’ve been there. Several years ago, when one of my relationships ended, it was devastating on several levels. For years this woman had been my best friend and nothing my other friends did could fill that gap that losing her friendship left behind.

They say the best way to get over one woman is to get under another. So when relationship ended, that’s what I did. I immediately started dating other people even while we were living together.

Even though I told the women I dated upfront that I wasn’t ready for another relationship, letting them play the role of rebound chick was the worst thing I could possibly ever do to another human being.

I know I’m not the only lesbian who has ever done this. Dating a rebound has turned into successful relationships for some people, but that’s not typical. I know from experience that most of those relationships often end with the rebound woman in pain.

Here is what was going on in my head when I started dating women a couple months after my break up:

1. When I was having sex with another woman, I was thinking about my ex.
2. When I was out smiling and flirting in the club or online, I was crying inside because I missed my ex so much.
3. I honestly didn’t have the energy to really put into doing a lot for someone new. I had just failed at a relationship with someone I loved. I wasn’t ready to put in a real effort with someone new who I definitely didn’t love. This means that these rebound women were not getting all that the attention and wooing that they deserved.
4. When I spent time with these women, I was just bored and scared of being alone. Harsh but true. It was during a point in my life when I didn’t know how to just be alone.
5. I was constantly comparing whoever I was with to my ex.
6. No matter why the relationship ended, I knew that if my ex called me and wanted to work things out, I would immediately drop whoever I was dating like a hot potato and get back with her in a heart beat.
7. No matter how nice the rebound was, my heart was not free to love her and wouldn’t be until I let my ex go.

 

The lesson? Don’t get involved with a woman who just got out of a relationship. It hurts like hell when they decide to work things out. And they will try to work it out for the 1,000th time. Mokenstef said it best in their 90s video, He’s Mine, “You may have had her once but I got her all the time.”

Ladies, if you’re eyeing a newly single cutie, I recommend giving her at least six months to a year to heal before even considering giving her any of your time be it a hello or a Facebook conversation. There is another saying that I try to keep in mind because it’s real: hurt people, hurt people. Don’t set yourself up to get hurt, you deserve so much more.

And for those ladies who just ended a relationship, the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself and any potential lovers is to take a break. After ending her 6-year relationship, my honey spent two years as a single woman before I came on the scene. My friend Giselle took a two-year dating sabbatical. Try it, you might like it.

13 Tips for Treating Your Butch Like a Queen

It’s the little things that you do that can make your stud feel special.

Written by Zamara Perri

Whether you consider your black lesbian butch partner your king or queen, she’s 100 percent woman.

The truth is that no matter how the women we choose to partner with dresses or carries herself, she is a woman whose femininity and tenderness should be acknowledged, supported and celebrated.  Here are 11 tips for helping you to acknowledge and nurture the divine feminine in the butch woman in your life :

 

1. Tell her she is beautiful and sexy. This may seem superficial but I believe it is necessary. Even the hardest diesel dyke deserves to be acknowledged for her beauty both inside and out.
2. Bring her flowers or have them delivered to her office and sign it “from your not-so secret admirer” and include your initials.
3. Write her a card or a love letter. My honey writes me love letters and cards and I love doing the same things for her. It’s the little things, ladies.
4. Provide a safe place for her to be herself where she doesn’t have to have to be tough or pretend to have it all together.
5. Allow her permission to be weak while you hold her down and be her strenght.
6. Treat her to something special, whatever that may look for for you both. It doesn’t have to be expensive or involve money. Cook her a special meal. Take her out for a night on the town. Buy her favorite fragrance or her favorite hair products. My love enjoys a particular line of hair products that I plan to surprise her with soon.
7. Prepare her plate and bring it to her in bed or at the dining table.
8. Rub her feet and give her a ultra-luxurious pedicure. That means soaking her feet in a hot luxurious tub of water with essential oils then getting to work!
9. Buy her something pretty that acknowledges her womanhood. If she wears make up that’s one way to go! You can also get her a session with a massage therapist or go with her to get her eyebrows done or a mani pedi.
10. Buy her sexy lingerie. If she’s the sport-bra wearing type, buy her the nicest ones you can find. If she wears thongs, buy her some in her favorite colors.
11. Do her hair. While you are shampooing and conditioning her hair, give her a head massage. Give her a shape up. Maintain her locs. Or retwist her plaits. Or give her a blow out. Whatever her style is, giving her a personal at-home salon time is a great way to treat her.
12. Listen to her—to what she says and what she doesn’t say. Show her that what she says matters by keeping the dreams and intimate conversations you have between you two.
13. Be affectionate. Give your butch lots of hugs, kisses and touches to let her know that you enjoy being next to her.