Being a parent is a tough job. When you add to it being a lesbian and then a dominant or stud mom, it can make for some interesting comments from strangers. We spoke with two tombois raising their sons for their perspectives. Ta’Sara, who lives in Tucson, Arizona, shares her story below:
I’m a full-time, black, lesbian single parent to twin boys. When people see me with my kids, they give me the side eye alllllllll the time. They automatically assume I must be a “syke-a-dyke,” or that I slept with a dude just to get pregnant. But that comes with someone being uneducated or someone who has been hiding under a rock for the past 10 years. Lol. I got pregnant through home insemination. Google it, folks.
I’ve always dreamed of being a parent with one boy and one girl so the brother can protect his sister. I was married in 2013, but we separated when I was 13 weeks pregnant. My ex-wife doesn’t want anything to do with my twins. She is trying to establish a new family with her new fiancée.
I ended up dating a friend when my babies were three months old and that went south quickly. But I have someone I am talking to now who loves and cares for my boys more than I could ever ask for anyone to. If I were looking for someone, I would look for a woman who is caring, independent, has goals and loves family. Also someone who can grow with me instead of hold me back.
Co-parenting isn’t a difficult concept for me with someone who is willing to let me live and do the same. It’s when the other parent decides they need to control every aspect of my life as well as my sons that there could be problems.
From time to time there is baby mama drama, because I have two other children with my ex-wife that she carried. She doesn’t allow me to see them and pretty much let her new girlfriend take my place as their mother. She has basically tried to push me out of their memory.
Any woman who wants to date me needs to understand, that there will be times when we cannot be alone or go out as much as we would like. I have responsibilities, and my children will always come first.
I want her to accept the fact that we are a package deal, and she can’t have me without them.
I Love Being a Mom Because
I love the fact that I’m raising someone who will love me unconditionally, through all of my imperfections and vice versa. It’s also great to know that I’m raising the next Michael Jordan, Barak Obama or even Bill Gates.