Six Reasons Why I ONLY Date Other Black Lesbians

Written by Ava I. King

I get this question all the time: Why ONLY limit yourself to black women? It’s a legit question, I guess. And I will attempt to explain my reasoning. You may get it and you may not. But you’ll have to respect it. Or not. Don’t really care. Point blank.


1. First of all—I AM a black woman so there is a knowingness, a familiarity there. I don’t have to explain some basic things about why I think like I do. Most black women instinctively know why. There is a shared consciousness. A shared experience. A shared history that binds us. No matter our sexuality. No matter our class. No matter our education. No matter what part of the world we grew up in. Of course, there are exceptions. But for the most part, it’s there, it’s unspoken and it’s understood.

CLICK below to see the other 5 reasons I love black women.

5 thoughts on “Six Reasons Why I ONLY Date Other Black Lesbians

  1. Totally late to this party, but just stumbled across this wonderful blog. I totally respect your reasons for dating only other black women. I wish I could limit myself in that way personally, namely because my deal breakers were carefully chosen through years of ex, and, well, not many black women fall into these categories. I am a hardline atheist, and relationships with religious women have been disastrous. I tried it 7 times. Doesn’t compute. They keep disrespecting the fact that I’ve had a long and hard road to get to where I am there, and that is a non-negotiable subject. I am also adamantly childfree. I don’t want kids, and I don’t want to be a party to raising anyone else’s. I’m also WAY out of the closet, and most of the black women I know are closeted. You get the picture. I am also non-monogamous (though I do not completely rule out monogamy for the right woman).

    On the other side of that, your first reason is the reason I’d rather date other lesbians rather than bisexual or pansexual or otherwise non-monosexual women. While I do not rule out non-monosexual woman (again, don’t want an unnecessary limitation), there is simply a different life experience there. It has been my experience that most of them have a long line of men in their relationship histories, with only a few or no women. They have a hard time relinquishing the straight/passing/whatever you want to call it privilege that comes with being coupled in an opposite sex relationship. I’ve had 3 girlfriends bail on me because of this. I know that it’s taboo to say that you’d rather have a lesbian girlfriend, but it’s not — at least in my world — for any sinister or prejudiced reason. It’s just what you said about being with other black lesbians: It’s a shared life narrative and experience.

    It’s unfortunate, though, that I regularly get crucified for that preference, as do many others, as I’m sure you are well aware.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s