I Waited 1,000 Years For A Second Chance With Her

Natasha says, "I loved her before selfies!"* STOCK PHOTO

Natasha says, “I loved her before selfies!”* STOCK PHOTO

Written by Natasha

I don’t know how often love is supposed to come back around. I don’t know how many chances you get to get it right with the right one. I don’t know how many times you get to press reset, go back in time and start over again. But when love finds you, however many times it finds you, let it capture you.

I never thought in a 1,000 years. I’d be here. Where am I, you ask? I’m in the time and place and space of so many memories. Memories I thought were gone, lost and forgotten forever. Memories that I buried so deep inside myself that I never thought I’d see the faces of them again. I’m in the place in life where I never thought I’d get that second chance. That reset button. That option to go back into time.

Let’s rewind …

About 15 years ago, I fell in love. I fell in love hard. Young and naïve; I was only 16 years old and experiencing life and what it all means. And there she was. In the midst of an internal, ongoing battle that oftentimes was expressed negatively on the outside in the form of low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. There was this other form. This other body. This other person. She came into my life and shook me up like a beautiful disaster.

Who she really was, who she became to me and what she meant to me, unfolded over the course of nine months. You can bear a child in that amount of time. She gave me life. Made me feel as if I could do anything, could be anyone and I could go anyplace with her. Of course like any great love story, like any beautiful disaster, there was something that overshadowed us. The darkest cloud. We were girls. She was a girl and I was a girl.

In a perfect world it would not have mattered, right? But we didn’t live in a perfect world. We lived in a world where I came from a strong Christian background. We lived in a world where you don’t date the same-sex especially at 16 years old. And, I’m not referring to nowadays where “It’s cool to be gay” at like 12. I lived in a time and space where I was the ONLY 16 year old I knew going through what I was going through. And I battled right along side her until the day our relationship had to end.

Everyone has their views when it comes to sexuality and what’s supposed to be or not be. I have made many attempts to “de-gay” myself. Whether that was believing what I had with her was just a phase. Or attempting to give it to “God.” Or completely repressing anything remotely relating to her for the past 12 years. But when you feel something as strongly as I did, you just can’t act like it never existed. As a matter of fact, I can’t name anything you can brush off as if it never existed. Not anything of real value anyway. But boy oh boy have I tried! However, that part of me always came to the surface every time I drank anything alcoholic. Every girl in the room was subject to getting hit on by me, regardless of my status.

I have learned over the course of the years that as much as I tried to rid myself of these feelings, purged myself, repress it, throw it away, act as if it wasn’t real—I just can’t do that with love. I have to allow it to run its course.

Yep, I Looked Through My Honey’s Phone! Big Mistake!

WakingUpLovelyLogo

Written by Luvly Jones

Now, I would like to pride myself and say I am not the type of lady to look through my woman’s phone and I was … until recently. I had a funny feeling and my female intuition was coming in strong and hard. Something came over me and said, “Look through that phone” and next thing you know, I was all up in the business! But I wish I never did. Pandora’s Box was opened and BOOM!

So here is the story …

During this time, my honey and me were not in the best place emotionally. She was very distant and I was trying to figure out why. I knew that her ex had been texting and calling her, giving her the “Why don’t we get back together” business and the “I still love you blah blah blah” crap. So when my honey stepped out the car to go to the store and left her precious Samsung 3 in the cup holder, I knew it was my perfect opportunity to see what was being said between them.

It's so tempting to look through your partner's phone! Image courtesy of Bossip.com.

It’s so tempting to look through your partner’s phone! Image courtesy of Bossip.com.

Well, I found out that the ex was coming in to town. I know I should have kept my cool, but I went crazy. She came back into the car and immediately she could feel that my attitude had changed. She asked, “Baby, what’s wrong?” Of course I said, “Nothing” because I was not about to be found guilty of searching though her phone! I starting texting my bestie, so my honey asked me what I was texting. I told her nothing. Mind you my attitude sucked and we were having a great day before this. She snatched my phone to read what I was texting:

Girl, why I think her ex is in town and she is going to see her tonight.

My honey then asked me why I thought that her ex was here and then I blew up: I proceeded to accuse her of lying about the events she had planned that evening. I started to tell her how she has been making me feel and how distant she had been and while I am saying all of this I am leaving one thing out—that I went through HER PHONE. This made her think I was crazy because I am accusing her of lying and she has no idea why. See, I read the text messages wrong and thought the ex was in town that weekend, but she was coming the next month. By the way, these text messages were recent in her phone at the time and so if she was going to tell me, I didn’t even give her a chance to do so.

In the end, I put myself through so much unnecessary turmoil and torture. I totally misconstrued the few texts that I read on her phone, and had it all wrong, which caused unnecessary grief and heartache to the both of us! About a month later, I finally told her that I went through her phone. She was happy that there was a reason for my crazy but felt slighted that I withheld that piece of information because it explained a lot. OMG, I am soooo glad that snooping segment of my relationship is over! Going through someone’s phone is just too draining and it really takes a toll on you. And truly, with phone snooping, one of two things are going to happen: you will either have peace about what you read or all hell will break loose and Pandora’s Box will be opened!

Click on Page 2 below for some snooping tips!

Amena & Nikki: Selecting Vendors 101

Nikki and Amena  selected the Billingsley House in Upper Marlboro, Md., as their wedding venue.

Nikki and Amena selected the Billingsley House in Upper Marlboro, Md., as their wedding venue.

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): So you ladies are six months away from your wedding day! How is your search for vendors going?


Nikki & Amena:
Wonderful! We are in the process of signing the contract with our last vender—a caterer.

 

BL3: Tell us what vendors you selected?
Nikki & Amena: We selected the Billingsley House in Upper Marlboro, Md., for the venue; Edibles Incredible Desserts from Reston, Va., for the cake, Rachel Naft Photography from Arlington, Va., and

Kloby’s Smokehouse in Laurel, Md., for the caterer.

 

Nikki and Amena sample cakes, cakes, cakes!

Nikki and Amena sample cakes, cakes, cakes!

BL3: Were there any vending experiences that stand out so far?
Nikki: The taste of our wedding cake. The way the baker put the ingredients together is mouthwatering. I still crave the cake. I’m going to go back and get some! Lol.
Amena: I thought Nikki was going to mention our photographer. She is awesome. When we went to meet with her she showed us her work and we were taken aback.

 

BL3: As a lesbian couple what’s the most important thing to you about your vendor?
Nikki:
That they are gay friendly. That they are really going to meet our needs without judgment.

Amena: The first thing I ask vendors on the phone is, are they OK with a lesbian couple as clients. I like it better when we can go visit first so I can see the reaction on their face and the way they talk to us.

 

BL3: Have you had any experiences that have made you NOT select a vendor?
Nikki & Amena: Yes, it has surprised us how many vendors communicate with you and then disappear. Twice we have met with people, had phone conversations and gotten quotes then never heard from them again. They were both caterers and we were interested in their services. We are not going to chase people down so we moved on.

 

We also met with a photographer who only showed us photos of babies. When we asked her if she had any samples of weddings, she showed us an engagement shoot. Since she could not show us samples of what we were buying, we did not go with her. The photographer and the caterer took the longest to find.  Just like in a relationship we went through a lot of duds before we found the one.

 

BL3: Do you have any preferences for LGBT vendors?
Nikki & Amena: No. As long as the vendor is LGBTQ friendly, we are fine. We are interested in finding vendors that will do the best job.

 

BL3: Are there a lot of LGBT-friendly vendors in the Washington, D.C., area where you live?
Nikki: Yes, as far as we know we have not run into anyone who has had an issue with our sexual orientation.

Amena: But I do expect it was an issue for one of the caterers that stopped contacting us. They were a husband and wife. Nikki talked to the husband and he sounded very enthusiastic. When I got on the phone with the wife, she seemed surprised to learn we were two women. When I have talked to some of my straight friends about vendors they have said things like, “I would have never thought to ask if a vendor was OK with my wedding for any reason”. It is a shame that is the first question we have to ask is, “Are you LGBTQ friendly?” before getting down to business.

 


Nikki and Amena, a Maryland couple engaged to be married next fall, have agreed to share with us their journey to the altar.

 

 

Never in a Million Years Did Sable & Shakeema Think They Would Be More Than Friends

Shakeema and Sable cuddle with a teddy bear.

Shakeema and Sable cuddle with a teddy bear.

Written by Sable Hutcherson   I met my wife, a stud, on a social network three years ago. We hit it off right off the bat. When we first met, I was still engaged to another female so we agreed to be just friends. We never thought in a million years that we would be together, far-less married.   We were friends for about six months. We had so much in common and were always finishing each other’s sentences! When we finally decided to go on a first date, it wasn’t typical. We were both living in different states. I was in Texas and she was in New York. We decided that she would come visit me in Texas for Thanksgiving. Having Thanksgiving dinner together was our first real date and we plan to have many more Thanksgiving dinners together. What we love most about each other the most is the level of communication and understanding that we have for one another. It’s like we are two halves made whole. Our chemistry is remarkable.   Everyone who meets us tells us that we are one couple who truly deserves each other. Once she proposed to me, my mind went into overdrive. I immediately started planning. We set the date for the summer of August 2015. One day while packing for my trip to visit her in New York for her birthday, I decided to ask her if she wanted to get married earlier. When I got there and asked her, she said, yes. I was stunned. When I got to New York, we went to the courthouse and married on July 24, 2014. Our wedding took place three days after her birthday.     Our Wedding

Sable and Shakeema got married at a courthouse in New York City.

Sable and Shakeema got married at a courthouse in New York City.

Our wedding day was filled with last minute shopping and appointments. We weren’t doing it the traditional way, so it wasn’t as hectic as we thought it would be. What made it special for us was having our nine-year-old daughter there. She was so overcome with joy at having two mommies. I got rid of the white dress and white veil tradition. I decided to wear a low-cut blue dress from David’s Bridal. I don’t think we did anything traditional, Lol. Everything was so quick, we didn’t want to deal with criticism or any negative vibes from anyone so we just did it and we did it our own special way. We didn’t really have a chance to say our own vows but we promised that when we re-newed our vows later on down the road that we would make sure we wrote from the heart. After we got married, I returned back to Texas heartbroken of course. Shakeema cried so much to me over the phone after I left. We were so torn about who was going to move. I had my own apartment and a great job in Texas, while she owns her own business in New York. We both agreed eventually that I would move to New York. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. We decided to get a house together in Jersey City, N.J., where we currently reside.   She was concerned about me getting a job and finishing school but I managed to start working. I am now in my second year in college, our business is booming and we couldn’t be happier.

Shakeema and Sable turned a long-distance friendship into the ultimate longterm commitment--marriage.

Shakeema and Sable turned a long-distance friendship into the ultimate longterm commitment–marriage.

We’ve both never felt love for another person so strongly. I know we are perfect for each other and there is no doubt in my mind that we will spend eternity together. Never in a million years did we ever think we would be more than friends, now we are the Hutchersons.

I Never Thought About Dating Another Femme Until She Stepped To Me

Written by Frances Simpson

I never thought I'd find dating another feminine lesbian the least bit appealing.

I never thought I’d find dating another feminine lesbian the least bit appealing.

I’m 31 and had never done it before. I know it sounds strange to hear a lesbian say this, but I have never dated another feminine lesbian before. I’ve never even wanted to date one. But this woman was different.

When she asked me if I would be interested in dating her, I honestly didn’t know what to say. I needed some advice. Quick. And so I logged onto my Facebook page and threw the question out there: Have any femmes dated another femme? I was almost overwhelmed by the response the ladies in one group gave. The feminine ladies did not seem down for dating other feminine women. At all.

One particular woman said: “I have never dated a femme. I am always told that I do not know what I’m missing. I love me a sexxxxy stud especially mine! God forbid we do not make it, then dating a femme could be an option. Maybe.”

Another woman said:

You’re brave. I don’t do attitude and I have one. No thanks!”

Hmmm I wasn’t quite expecting this kind of response. My ex and I were together for seven years. She was a stud. I love that girly but boyish kind of feel that I get from a woman who knows she is a woman yet dresses with a masculine flavor. I love the baggy clothes and everything else about them. Plus, I like that they are able to bond better with my sons. What can I say? I love my studs! It’s been about a year and a half since we broke up. I really wanted to take the time to get over her.

Honestly, I never thought of dating another femme like myself before. Personally I think they tend to have a lot of attitude and I didn’t want to deal with it. Hell, I have an attitude and I’m a femme. Studs just seemed more laid back with less drama.

Femmes just never seemed like an option until a very nice young lady approached me recently. I just don’t know if she would be a better friend or if she would make a great mate. She seems nice and I am attracted to her. She is sweet and loving, a great mother and all around beautiful. I have known her for about four months now and this was the first time she had ever said anything to me. We were talking about me getting back out there and dating when she asked me if I would ever date a femme because she found me very attractive.

She said she would love to show me how it feels to be loved correctly! Lol.

Who could resist that? We haven’t gone on a date or anything yet, but I’m definitely giving it some serious thought. When you really get down to it, when we take our clothes off, we are all women. We might work out or we might not, but I don’t want to say I never gave it a shot!

Marathon Love Spotlight: Desiree & Marisol

Desiree and Marisol, who live in Florida, have been together for 13 eyars.

Desiree and Marisol, who live in Indiana, have been together for 13 eyars.

We had to liquidate all of our assets in order to stay afloat. In the end as always, staying together is worth it!

Written by Desiree Brandon

This year marks 13 years that Marisol and I have been together 13 years this year. We’ll celebrate those 13 years by getting married on September 26! September can’t come fast enough!

It took us this long because we wanted to be settled, and she wanted to be a citizen of the United States. Once same-sex marriage became legal, we thought we should do it then, but it wasn’t legal in our state (Florida). Now that it is and she will be a citizen before then end of the year, nothing’s stopping us now!

The secret to staying together for us is knowing that we go from work TO work each day.

We know that a relationship is work and we approach ours with a level head and an open heart. We also realize that life changes so much but love never changes! We are from two different countries (she’s from Trinidad and I’m American), yet we still have so many shared interests and experiences.

I think some couples give up when things get rough. But we don’t. Since neither one of us were born with a silver spoon, we just kind of roll with the punches and it was quite difficult but also quite easy in a way.

I remember when she had to leave the country due to a job status change and we weren’t sure if she was going to be able to come back. She was gone for almost five months! I was ready to sell the house, dog and our car so I could move to the Caribbean. In the end, everything worked out and she was able to come back. We had to liquidate all of our assets in order to stay afloat, but in the end, as always, staying together is worth it!

The hardest part about her being gone at that time was that I was in a really bad car accident and just really wanted her to be there and she wasn’t. But we kept going because we knew what our end game was. We really didn’t think twice. It sucked to have had to talk to her on the phone or to only see her on the computer, but when you commit yourself to doing anything, you can accomplish it.

Life is what you make it and after that, we are stronger than ever with jobs that pay almost double what we had going previously. We finally have it all—the house, car, dogs, chickens (yeah we have 6 of them)—and the beautiful life we hustled hard for at the beginning. Now to tie the knot in September!

Why Is It So Hard to Say, “This Is My Wife”?

When you're a feminine lesbian who is married to another feminine lesbian, coming out is a daily exercise.

When you’re a feminine lesbian who is married to another feminine lesbian, coming out is a daily exercise.

Written by Laura Leigh Abby/ Cosmopolitan

My wife and I recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary, but we’ve been together for nearly a decade. By now, I should be comfortable saying I’m married to a woman. Instead, when people ask if we’re sisters or friends, my wife and I glance anxiously at each other, urging, No, you say it. Everyone has an opinion about being gay, and we often have to come out to people without knowing how we’ll be received. A sort of fatigue sets in.

Although not every day, inquiries into our personal lives happen often. Women notice my diamond ring and compliment my husband’s taste. The doctor asks if my husband is tall, like me. I meet friends and their coworkers for drinks, and the innocuous chatter follows: What do you do? Where do you live? I love your necklace! It would be weird to withhold the fact that I’m a writer, that I live in Manhattan, or that I’m wearing my wife’s necklace.

Many times, the high pitched “Oh!” response is blithe — this is New York City, after all. But I brace myself for occasional awkwardness: a glance at my wife (Does she look like a lesbian?), then back to me. A silent moment, a raised eyebrow. A hotel clerk asking, “You’re sure you want the king bed and not two queens?” We’re sure.

Nobody wants to admit it, but people look at a woman differently when they hear she has a wife. Cosmopolitan locale or not, coming out turns a three-hour fight or an evening with friends into performance art. Are the lesbians kissing? What are they drinking? It’s the feeling of being watched that makes me tense, my insecure teenage self back to harass me, the paranoid voice that says, Everyone is judging you. So I turn it around. He’s old and conservative-looking, I’ll think. He won’t understand. Or, She’s wearing a cross. She’ll want to pray for us. It’s easier just not to mention it. Now, I’m the one doing the judging.

I don’t wear my sexuality as I wear my race and gender. I can hide behind my long hair, manicured nails, and makeup. No one assumes I’m gay. Because of that, I’ve long heard homophobic slurs disguised as jokes from people who don’t know they’re talking about me, my marriage, my life.

One night on a crowded bus, a man was ranting against gay people, saying that he’d murder his own mother if she were gay. I counted my breaths and tried to slow my racing heart. But my anger won over, and I engaged him in a screaming match when we both got of at the next stop. He called me a cocksucker. I screamed: “I’m a lesbian!” When I told my wife about the fight, she called me an idiot. “You can’t argue with crazy,” she said.

Most encounters are admittedly less dramatic. Early this year, we remodeled our apartment. Men came into our home to paint, sand, and spackle. I wondered how to explain to Theo, the electrician, that I can’t tell a cable box from a tackle box because my wife handles the technology. I held up my hands in surrender and said, “The TV is really her thing.” He looked at me from across the room where he knelt next to tangled wires. “So, is she your sister?”

“She’s my wife,” I answered as nonchalantly as I could. “You’re gay,” he said excitedly. I tensed up. Then he said, “I’m gay too.”

Six Reasons Why I ONLY Date Other Black Lesbians

Written by Ava I. King

I get this question all the time: Why ONLY limit yourself to black women? It’s a legit question, I guess. And I will attempt to explain my reasoning. You may get it and you may not. But you’ll have to respect it. Or not. Don’t really care. Point blank.

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1. First of all—I AM a black woman so there is a knowingness, a familiarity there. I don’t have to explain some basic things about why I think like I do. Most black women instinctively know why. There is a shared consciousness. A shared experience. A shared history that binds us. No matter our sexuality. No matter our class. No matter our education. No matter what part of the world we grew up in. Of course, there are exceptions. But for the most part, it’s there, it’s unspoken and it’s understood.

CLICK below to see the other 5 reasons I love black women.

Ebony & Krysta Jumped the Gun and Jumped the Broom

Krysta and Ebony met at an airport through mutual friends.

Krysta and Ebony met at an airport through mutual friends.

Ebony & Krysta (Krys) met in the most unlikely of places, fell in love and have been together for two years. They were among the many couples in Florida who got married in January. They share their sweet love story below:

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): How did you two first meet?

Ebony: We met at the Tampa International Airport. We had a mutual connection (her friend and a close friend of my son’s father). This friend, Tiffanie, heard my son was flying back home to Tampa and asked my son if he wouldn’t mind taking a gift to her friend who happened to live in Tampa. My son agreed. So the plan was for my son to meet her friend at the airport in baggage claim. Her friend happened to be Ebony. Ebony is this sweet talkative spirit (and straight woman) and I, Krysta, am the lesbian.

BL3: Tell us about your first date.

Krysta: Our first date was not truly a date; it was merely two friends getting together to go to a wine tasting event, and then we ended up at Mitchell’s seafood restaurant. We both later agreed that at that restaurant it turned from “friends” into thoughts of more.

BL3: What intrigued you about each other?

Krysta: Ebony is the sweetest person, naïve, innocent, kind, and she has a smile that radiates through every dark place of my soul. I was drawn to her very essence.

Ebony: What first intrigued me about Krysta was her beauty and spirit. When we first met, I just began talking as if I had known her forever and we had been friends. I’m a very friendly person, however, I am not normally very talkative initially. I was told that I was talking nonstop when we first met. I felt a connection right off the bat, I wasn’t sure what it was but it was something.

BL3: What do you love most about each other?

Krysta: I love that Ebony loves me for who I am, where I am with no apologies required!

Ebony: I love that we can talk about anything—that we laugh, have fun, enjoy life and balance each other. I love that Krys makes me want to do and be better. Krys loves me for me; she accepts me and my flaws.

BL3: How is your relationship the same and different from any other couple’s?

Krys: Our relationship is one full of love—sincere and genuine love; that’s what most married couples experience. We are the same because we are two people wanting to build a life with one another and spend good times and bad seeing how the end of our lives will be and enjoying the ride the whole way through. We are no different than any other couple. We don’t see ourselves as different. Relationships are about mutual love and respect, devotion and commitment.

I would say our dynamics are merely different. I am in love with a “straight” woman who fell in love with a lesbian woman. If we have labels, those would be the most fitting. To me, it’s okay because we are two women in love and in life together!