What’s It Like to be a Married Lesbian in the Army?

Jaleesa and Massy take a selfie near their Army base in California.

Jaleesa and Massy take a selfie near their Army base in California.

A few days ago Jaleesa Rucker, a specialist in the U.S. Army, and her wife, Massy, shared what it is like to be a married lesbian in the army.  The couple, who shared their story with Buzzfeed, said they met in 2012 on Twitter. Massy (@MassyVee) said she started following Jaleesa (@rare_breed30) because she was pretty 🙂 But Jaleesa disagrees and said she started following Jaleesa first!

Regardless of who started it, the two are now happily married and are thrilled that thanks to the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT), they can serve their country openly.

“I don’t know how people before did it,” Jaleesa mused.

“We feel like any other couple,” Massy said.
“It feels good to be equal,” Jaleesa said. “I feel proud putting on this uniform everyday.

The couple is stationed in Fort Irwin, California.

Check out the video below!

 

Black Lesbian Couple Among 65 Same-Sex Couples Married in Alabama Synagogue

Crystal Miller, left, and her new wife, Toni, celebrate their marriage at Temple B’nai Sholom in Alabama.

Crystal Miller, left, and her new wife, Toni, celebrate their marriage at Temple B’nai Sholom in Alabama.

According to a recent article in Forward, a Jewish publication, the Temple B’nai Sholom in Huntsville, Ala., hosted 65 wedding ceremonies. Among the 65 couples who married were Crystal and Toni Miller, a black lesbian couple.

Crystal looked stunning in an all-white outfit as she said, “I do’s” with her wife, Toni, while friends and family looked on a Thursday afternoon.

The marriages took place at the temple right after same-sex marriage became legal in Alabama. While some clerks refused to offer marriage licenses and others shut their doors, dozens of couples — gay and straight, from many shades of faith — flocked to B’nai Sholom Thursday and Friday to say their vows in the Jewish sanctuary.

A diverse coalition of advocates stepped in by sponsoring Wedding Week, which was designed to allow couples to wed. Although the week is primarily aimed at same-sex couples, who are still barred from marrying in all the states that border Alabama except Florida, organizers welcomed straight couples, too, who were locked out of the courthouse doors by the legal fight.

The synagogue’s leadership was just as supportive: President Sherman Banks hesitated to comment for fear of bragging about the congregation’s desire to help. But he did offer this succinct explanation: “We’ve got no choice; it’s who we are.”

Most people shared that they never thought they’d be getting married at all let alone in a Jewish temple.

Read more of the story here.

 

The Secret to Staying Married

Written by Queenie Gordono
Kingston and Queenie Gordono work daily to keep their relationship strong!

Kingston and Queenie Gordono work daily to keep their relationship strong!

I’m recovering … she is recovering … from a broken heart and from breaking hearts! So many people have this goal TO GET MARRIED. But the hardest part is STAYING MARRIED. When things go wrong, we easily remember the wrong doing but oh my how we forget what made us fall in love. Oh my how we forget the smile that captured us. We don’t realize that the smile no longer exists because we continue to hurt the other person. Oh my how we forget that we were once the “hurter” and not the recipient. I’m learning that in a marriage, the blessing is in the union. It’s in the RESPECT for “HOME.” It’s in how we communicate. How we understand the other person’s language of love. Everyone loves differently. We are learning that once you invite God, no, ALLOW GOD into the union, HE MUST REMAIN to hold it together. Prayer. Consistent prayer. Forgiveness. Understanding.

It’s very easy to walk away. To go seek greener pastures. To have a place you can run to when “home” is all messed up. But you will have to “water the grass” somewhere. Unless you cover your yard with the fake grass, you will always have to work on it to keep it looking nice. It will require work all year round! Keep the LIFE, The LOVE AND THE LAUGHTER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Never stop romancing. Never stop dating. When financial woes kick in, trust God. When depression kicks in, trust God. When you feel like you both are changing, trust God that those changes are still for the betterment of the relationship.
WhenIsawYouIFellinLoveYou are still an individual. Know that all of the things that make you two different are the exact same things that make up the miracle of being together. In reality, fantasy love is a moment. You can have those moments. Real love is work and it’s LIFE. Learn your mate. Take the time to truly get to know one another. Trust me, diving in is cute. New love is cute. But it’s the old love I want. The love that has sustained itself through the hurt. The love that has survived the problems that are meant to tear you apart. I want to die old and gray and STILL IN LOVE.

Queenie Gordono and her wife, Kingston, live in Georgia. The two host an LGBT radio show (www.wer1lgbt.com). 

A Message for All the Single Ladies on Valentine’s Day

Being single on Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to focus on self-love.

Being single on Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to focus on self-love.

Written by Miss Kitty

For you single ladies on Valentine’s Day:

I just want to send out a positive message of hope. I know a lot of you are not happy today. Maybe you don’t have a special someone to spend Valentine’s Day with and you are feeling like you’ll never meet the right one. Maybe you had a plan to be married with kids by a certain age. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. But please don’t give up! Your special person is out there dreaming of you just as you are dreaming of her!

I didn’t meet my Hersband until I was 38 years old, and we got married when I was 40. Do I wish we would’ve met 10-15 years ago? Hell yes! But the universe will send you that special person when the timing is optimal for that to happen. Had Mari and I met 15 years ago, she wouldn’t have been ready for a long-term relationship.

When the universe brought us together, it was at the perfect time when both our hearts were ready and healed from past relationships and able to appreciate what we had to offer each other.

It’s true that sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to finally end up with your princess. But it is worth the wait. I hope that you take today to practice self love and count the other forms of love (non romantic) in your life.


MIss Kitty

MIss Kitty

Miss Kitty is an author, energy healer, tantric sex coach and modern day priestess! She writes under several pen names and is an imaginary architect, a literary traveler and erotic arts master. Her line of erotica is a sensual feast for the mind and body; which range from soft and deeply romantic to hardcore and kinky. Miss Kitty also has a selection of books on lesbian relationships, dating, magic spell work for love and sex and much more! She is planning on releasing a book on lesbian tantric sex just in time for Christmas. Click here to visit her Amazon bookstore.

8 Ways to Win Her Heart This Valentine’s Day Without Breaking the Bank

 

Written by Giselle Bella

So, Valentine’s Day is almost here and you want to impress her! More so, you want to impress her and keep your pockets healthy. Maybe you recently met someone and she is your Valentine but you do not want go overboard. Perhaps you are experiencing some financial hardship but do not want to seem uncaring. You may even be a skinflint. All in all, the truth is you want to enjoy Valentine’s Day without breaking the bank. Plus you’re out of ideas to make this work for the good of all involved. Well, The Love Goddess has you covered with some great ideas:

1. THE ROMANTIC CHEF

BlackwomanChef (PBS)

Cook for your Valentine. Whether you do it at your place or hers, cook for her! Actually, do more than cook. Make a simple, classic meal and create a romantic evening. Italian is always a Valentine’s favorite! It’s easy to make and cost effective. By Italian I mean a simple pasta dish. Set the table, or the dinner trays. Better yet, create an indoor picnic. Move the furniture and set the floor up to eat. You get the idea. Get creative here. After dinner move on to a massage or foot rub. Get romantic. Don’t forget to give her the Valentine’s card you bought for $1 at the dollar store and some “Be Mine” balloons. If you can’t cook; don’t worry. Just make it sexy and she will adore you for attempting. Don’t forget the wine!

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Our First Valentine’s Day Together

Two-birds-Happy-Valentines-dayWritten by Z. Amara Perri

“Honey, do you care about Valentine’s Day at all?” It was January 22 when I sent my new girlfriend this text. We had just celebrated our four-month anniversary and still had so much to learn about each other. What we already knew was that we were not big on man-made holidays. (See my post on our Christmas non-celebration).

I wasn’t exactly surprised when she responded with this text: “Yes, I like it. I just don’t like dealing with crowded restaurants, theaters and the like. I’m actually looking forward to celebrating it with you.”

My honey and I are in many ways the same and in other ways exact opposites. She is a Pisces and is romantic and sentimental. Me? I’m a Libra and I’ve told her from day one that I’m not romantic and mushy. I’m practical and enjoy simplicity. I’m a get-things-done kind of woman. I’m just not fussy. I’ve always dated romantic women, but even so my last two Valentine’s Day experiences were painful.

I didn’t expect to be celebrating this Valentine’s Day with anyone. Dating my sweet Pisces has been such a beautiful, unexpected surprise. So, with Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to think and plan ahead. I knew I didn’t need a holiday to show her that I love her, but I wanted to do something.

At first I thought about planning an extravagant, chocolate-themed meal for my honey and a few close friends. Because she is so community-oriented, she supported the idea while gently reminding me that we needed to take some time to celebrate us. I soon let go of the idea of the community brunch and settled for a quiet day for just us two.

On the Tuesday night after we both got home from a long day at work, she surprised me and took me out to dinner at a restaurant we’ve been talking about going to since Christmas. It wasn’t a fancy restaurant. We didn’t dress up. We didn’t exchange gifts. Since it wasn’t Valentine’s Day, the restaurant wasn’t crowded and we were seated in a booth by the window.

We enjoyed a simple meal, topped it off with cheesecake, chatted, giggled, played footsies and gazed into each other’s eyes. Love was definitely in the air! It was the best Valentine’s date I’ve had in a long time!

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I still wanted to do something special for her on the actual Valentine’s Day this Saturday. So keeping in mind that money is tight right now and we are not fussy people, I decided to keep things simple. She loves my cooking and so I thought I could continue with the same chocolate theme, but then I remembered that she does not really like chocolate. So I had to rethink the meals to match the things she loved. I sent her an evite and below is the menu that I have planned with all her favorite foods:

I sent her this evite for our breakfast in bed :)

I sent her this evite for our breakfast in bed 🙂

~Our Valentine’s Day Menu~

Breakfast in Bed

Pink pancakes

Eggs over easy

Grape juice

Lunch

Heart-shaped cheese ravioli with pink sauce & mushrooms

A green salad with red onions

A Mini-apple pie

A glass or two of San Antonio sweet red wine

Dinner

@The Treehouse with friends 🙂

Any couples celebrating their first Valentine’s Day together? Please tell us what your plans are in the comments below.

Black Lesbian Couple is Alabama’s First Legally Married Couple

Shante and Tori camped outside of the courthouse in Montgomery, Alabama. Photo courtesy of AP Brynn Anderson

Shante and Tori camped outside of the courthouse in Montgomery, Alabama. Photo courtesy of AP Brynn Anderson

On Monday, February 10, 2015 Tori Sisson and Shanté Wolf became the first same-sex couple to be legally married in Alabama. The black lesbian couple made headlines when they decided they would pitch a tent and camp out over night in front of the courthouse in hopes of being the first to marry in the state. They did it! We also wrote about the couple a few months back when they made it clear that they did not intend to travel to another state to get legally married.

Shante and Tori were the first same-sex couple to marry in Alabama. AP Brynn Anderson

Shante and Tori were the first same-sex couple to marry in Alabama. AP Brynn Anderson

On the morning they got married, 21-year-old ShantĂ© said, “It felt like the first time for me. I saw her in her outfit while we were outside at the courthouse and we said our vows. I was just taken aback because I get to wake up to that every morning.”

The couple first met at an apartment party over two years ago. They had no way of knowing that one day they would live in that same apartment as a married couple.

They did an interview with Buzzfeed. Click here to read more about how they met and fell in love. 

The young couple held a commitment ceremony last year and are planning another celebration for friends and family who couldn’t make it to the courthouse.

Congratulations ladies!

 

Confessions of An R&B Diva: Sexy Songstress Monifah Carter Bares All

Courtesy of Zahra Siddiqui

Courtesy of Zahra Siddiqui

Interviewed by Florence Edwards

Monifah set the music world on fire in the 90s, and her music continues to have a tremendous impact on R&B music fans around the world. There’s no question that no one brings it quite like Monifah. Her seductive, soulful voice can help you overcome a tragic break-up, inspire you to push forward, or make you have explosive mind-gasms that will take you on an unforgettable erotic journey of raw passion and sexual bliss.

A spiritually conscious artist who is not afraid to be herself in a world that wants to define her, Monifah is defying stereotypes about same-gender-loving people, and is teaching the world that love is love. She is redefining what a real black woman is, and is a true example of how we can own our power, transform our lives, and live fearlessly.

Besides starring in TV One’s reality TV hit series, R&B Divas: Atlanta, Monifah is an incomparable entertainer, actress, writer, advocate and entrepreneur who knows who she is, what she wants, and how to get it. Her unshakable faith, profound wisdom and courageous spirit is why she is a true diva and an inspiration to women and girls everywhere. Monifah’s ground-breaking wedding to Terez recently earned her a 2015 GLADD Media Award nomination. She was also honored with the 2015 Vanguard Award from The OutMusic Awards—The LGBTQ Academy of Recording Artist (LARA), and she’s just getting started! Monifah’s ready for her next close-up and is calling her own shots in the entertainment industry.

We recently caught up with Monifah and asked her all of the juicy questions you’ve been dying to know. In this candid article, we discuss everything from her definition of hot sex to her impact as a same-gender-loving woman in Hollywood.

Florence: After marrying your long-time girlfriend, Terez, You were the first African-American same-sex couple to wed on national TV. In an interview, you stated that you did it for a bigger reason. Do you think it made a long-term impact on how the world perceives black lesbians, love and marriage? If so, how?

Monifah: 1A) Firstly, I’d like to clarify how I sexually identify. I identify as a bisexual or same-gender loving woman in the LGBTQ community. People assume that I identify as lesbian because I’ve dated, been in long-term relationships with women, and am now married to a woman. It’s easy for us to paint situations and people with a broad brush and put each other into nicely wrapped boxes of perceptions, stereotypes and judgments that keep us ‘comfortable’ and stagnate in not getting an understanding of the beauty of our differences. Sexuality, although a birthright and important to be expressed and respected equally, is not all of who any person is and how an individual identifies can only be expressed by that individual.

I believe whole heartedly that Terez and I making the decision to share our nuptials with the world was necessary and very impactful long-term.

We’ve received many messages from the black LGBT and heterosexual communities alike, that they can see themselves in our relationship and our proud of our representation of ourselves or that being privy to our relationship changed their opinion, views and perception of same-gender love because all they saw was the love, respect, reverence and partnership between us and it normalized it for them.

Florence: You mentioned that your sexuality wasn’t really a focus for you when you were younger because you had gay family members. When did you first realize that you were bisexual? How were you able to escape the stigma of being a same-gender-loving woman in the African American community and love yourself without taking on the world’s judgment of your sexuality?

Monifah: I experienced my first attraction to a girl at age 18. I didn’t judge it or myself. I just felt it. I have same-gender loving family members and the messages I received weren’t negative, so it didn’t feel like this big bad monster I needed to try and escape. I was just myself. When I met my first girlfriend at 23, I just simply had a girlfriend. LOL. I’ve been blessed with the spirit God chose for me to have and this spirit never felt embarrassed or shameful nor did it care what anyone else thought about what gender the spirits I connected to were encased in. I knew the gender of the person I chose to be with didn’t completely define me and if someone felt ‘a way’ or thought it did, that was their issue, not mine. Maybe growing up and living in New York City which is a melting pot of diversity, afforded me this luxury but I did experience my share of discrimination.

This article was originally published in the Examiner.com. Click here to read the rest of the interview. 


Florence Edwards is a seasoned writer, publicist, author and speaker who loves helping women have passionate sex lives and relationships! She loves writing edgy, sensual and creative material that gets people hot and bothered lol! Contact her with all of your LGBT questions, at Florence.Edwards1976@gmail.com.

Why D.C. Lesbians Date Their Ex’s BFF

Bianca Williams has a theory about why the lesbians in D.C. tend to date their ex's friends.

Bianca Williams has a theory about why the lesbians in D.C. tend to date their ex’s friends.

Written by Bianca Williams

The striking thing to me about lesbian dating is how common it is to see makeshift families of women bound together by former romantic ties. Lesbians in Washington seem to date within groups of former relationships or their friends’ former relationships, which in any other cross-section of dating society would seem psychotic or narcissistic.

What better candidate for your next romantic entanglement than the best friend of your ex-girlfriend? Part of the problem is that the District has had only one exclusively designated lesbian bar, Phase 1 near Eastern Market. (And even there you’re bound to find a confused straight male or two who came in for the eye candy. Tip, fellas: That is really annoying.) This means that if you date someone who frequents that one bar, then date her best friend who frequents that bar, then break up with both, you’ll have to find someplace else to drink lest you be subjected to a double whammy of side eye that rivals anything seen on “Real Housewives.”

Other options to Phase 1 (which suddenly closed for renovations in January) are the nomadic monthly women’s parties that roam from bar to bar. But even if you are tenacious about keeping up with the newest parties, the average lesbian won’t go unless she can bring her makeshift family/baggage with her.

Going online can be hit or miss. There’s a very real possibility some of the profiles with the “lesbian” box checked aren’t gay or women at all. And if you meet your potential lesbian mate in person, there’s no telling whether she’s actually into women or just “bored with men” for the moment. Basically, “lesbians” invented catfishing before it was popular. Another strike against us is our inability to approach other women and strike up conversations in person or online. If the goal is a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, for that matter), women do not approach first, period. Most opt to stare uncomfortably from across that crowded girl bar weekend after weekend, or the digital equivalent: stalking some hopefully lesbian woman’s social media page.

I decided to make myself mostly immune to the local lesbian epidemic of comfort-zone dating. (Two of my exes are within six degrees of each other, but I was involved with them at different times in my life, and anything after a month in lesbian time is the equivalent of two years.) If everyone was going to one spot for drinks, I’d go to another. If no one approached other women, I’d strike up conversations first. If the trend was to date the BFF of your ex, I didn’t. I’m meeting people who’ve never heard of me or anyone I’ve dated. Dating is just as fresh for me now as it was when I first entered the scene 10 years ago. And that’s like half a century in lesbian time.


Bianca Williams, a native of the D.C. area, is an independent filmmaker and an engineer and lighting operator for local events. Her article was originally published in the Washington Post among several stories of Washington, D.C., area daters.