Written by Tianna Glass
At the beginning of 2008, I met an amazing woman. I’d heard she was amazing before I met her, but then I met her in person and she completely lived up to the reputation. She says she knew I was amazing when she met me, despite my awful hat. There were some twists and turns and suddenly, by the end of the year, this amazing woman became the amazing love of my life. June means a lot to me because that was a month where a lot happened … more like where a lot of nothing was happening but everything was electric. There were so many directions that were available. So many roads to turn down. Every conversation felt like it should end with a kiss, but it wasn’t time. But it didn’t feel rushed (well, not always. There was one particular time that I tried to step on the gas and was blocked). It felt like waiting for a banana to turn from green to the perfect color yellow. One morning you come to the kitchen, almost forgetting that you bought bananas, and they are ready. Not a brown spot, skin taut and crisp … it’s delicious. [We were suddenly ready]. And from then on, it felt perfect. We waded in the shores of our venture, whatever it was. We didn’t give it a name and it didn’t ask for one. It was effortless and wonderful.
That was [six] years ago, give or take a few weeks. Since then there has been some effort, as with any relationship, but the love has still been effortless. Our relationship isn’t traditional (whose is?) but even with that, my heart is hers.
I don’t write poetry, but if I did it would be about her. I don’t sing songs, but if I did they would be for her.
There was a time in my life, where I’d never be this open talking about someone this way. Openly professing who my heart belongs to was a sign of weakness to the me before, but I think that’s because I wasn’t ready for that kind of freedom of emotion. I was worried that to say it out loud was to give it legs to crawl away and leave me gaping and vulnerable in front of all six people who read my blog. But I know that now it isn’t about that. Because y’all need to know that I love this woman. And she needs to know. And I need to remind myself. And a few posts ago, I talked about how I can generally convince myself that I suck at everything and will be left with only the end pieces of bread loaves for the rest of my miserable life. But I don’t. And she is a reminder of that every.single.day.
On our first getaway, we went to [Maine] for a stay in a quaint bed and breakfast. While there we had a great time doing a lot of nothing. We took walks, we sat, we ate, we made love, we walked some more, and we talked and talked and talked, as is our way. At the time we were doing whatever it was we were doing. Having fun, namelessly enjoying our time together. I remember thinking that regardless of if we were together for only a couple more weeks or even a couple more days that this was everything I needed. It was fantastic and nothing else would be able to compare to the time that I was having with this woman doing seemingly nothing. Sitting on a boardwalk, looking at an ocean that was too cold to get into. Silent, still, content.
We’ve been spending a lot of time … I’m not sure what the proper term would be. “Reconnecting” would suggest that there was a disconnect at some point. It feels more like a video game when you “level up.” Your character is more powerful, stronger, maybe with a cool new flame-thrower. Of course in life, there’s no screen that says that you’re leveling up. Sometimes you just feel it. Sometimes it’s obvious, like a graduation. Other times it’s just satisfying but you know it’ll mean more later on, like the first time you tell your friends that you’re too tired to go out and actually go to sleep. This time we’re working on our spiritual journey and as much as we’re doing it separately, we’re doing it together. A lot of the things we do in this process are singular, solitary, meant to be done in a meditative state by ourselves. But afterward, we can connect with what we’ve learned and grow together.
This all sounds overly saccharine. Something so simple like living and growing with the one you love is an everyday thing. But it doesn’t feel so everyday to me. My everyday was alone and not lonely. I didn’t “need” anyone but not in a bitter way. I just knew that my happiness lied within. It still does, but she’s soooo much a part of that. I wasn’t unhappy, but I definitely didn’t know that I could be happier. And now that I know, I never want to stop leveling up with her. Maybe there’s an invisibility cloak in the next one.
This story was originally posted on the #Random blog on June 2, 2013. It is reposted here with permission. Tianna and Charmagne live in Connecticut and will be married in November. They promise to share photos!