Marathon Love: Kelly is the Only Woman Larissa Could Ever Love

Larissa and Kelly have been together 14 years and raised two daughters together.

Larissa and Kelly have been together 14 years and raised two daughters together.

 

Larissa (39), an artist, art instructor and student has been with Kelley (38), who does private security and is studying sound engineering, for 14 years. This fun-loving Maryland couple graciously agreed to share their love story below:

 

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): How did you meet? 

Larissa: On an online chat site. I think Kel approached me first. I was venting about a problem I was having and she offered to talk.

 

BL3: What attracted you to each other?

Larissa: I was immediately attracted to Kel’s personality. She was easy to talk to and offered me good advice. She also sounded really good over the phone.

 

Kelly: I was attracted to Larissa’s personality; she was soo funny. She made me laugh and it made for interesting conversation.

BL3: When did you first know you were in love with each other?

Larissa: She had come to visit me and we were headed back home on the metro rail from being at the museums all day. It was her last day and she had mentioned she had to pack and get ready to leave the next day. I just broke down on the train like someone ran over my dog. I did not want her to leave. She came over and sat next to me, hugged me, and said she wasn’t going anywhere. I knew then I couldn’t let her go. I didn’t just love her, I was in love with her.

Kelly: I knew when I first came to see Larissa; she was my breath of fresh air. She had all the qualities I was looking for and more, it was when I was gearing to go back home to New York that I knew I belonged with that woman and I would be a damn fool to leave her miles away. That was the moment I realized she was my future and I loved her.

BL3: Who said the words first?

Larissa: I think she did … so long ago, wow!

Kelly: She did.

BL3: What do you love about each other?

Larrisa: I love the fact that Kel is a genuine and loving person. She will always be true to herself and strong for others and she doesn’t feel like she has to put on a front for anybody. She is the only woman I think I could ever love, and if I tried to love another, my heart would be hers forever.

Kelly: Her strength and will power. She inspires me to be greater than great, and always remain true to who I am. She loves so hard and I’m happy she can give me that. She makes me feel secure and loved.

BL3: When did you first know that you were a lesbian?

Larissa: I was about 16 but I didn’t define as me being a lesbian. I just knew I had a long and growing interest in females that got stronger as I got older. I didn’t use the term “lesbian” until I was in my early twenties.

Kelly: I had an idea when I was very young that I was “different.” One afternoon I saw a commercial on television about homosexuals. That’s when I was able to identify who I was. That was around the age of 10.

BL3: How did you handle that knowledge?

Larissa: I didn’t really think too much of it. It didn’t freak me out or make me depressed. As I got older and I became more informed about sexuality, I was able to define my own more and learn to accept it as just a part of who I am.

Kelly: At first, I had an ocean of emotions. I didn’t want to be “different,” but I knew how to be no one but Kelly. I spent my teen years wanting to jump off the nearest curb, lol. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I became confident and began my “lesbian puberty.” Lol.

BL3: How did your families first react to your relationship?

Larissa: My family was cool with it. My mom said, “Just don’t hurt my daughter and you are alright with me.”

Kelly: My family has never supported me being a lesbian, so it’s no surprise they didn’t and still don’t support my relationship with Larissa. They’re very religious individuals.

BL3: Are you religious?

Larissa: Neither of us are religious.

Five Surprising Ways Lesbians Can Practice Sublime Tantric Sex

Reaching an orgasm is not the goal of tantra.

Reaching an orgasm is not the goal of tantra.

Written By Miss Kitty

What is Tantra?

Tantra is composed of Sanskrit words and has several ways it can be understood. It means “the way” but also “methods” and, in an expanded sense “methods of going beyond.” It can mean “transformation,” “expansion” and “weaving.” Tantra embraces every single aspect of our life experience; it weaves together all its many aspects. Tantra is an ancient spiritual path that predates many of the world’s established religions. However, Tantra is not itself a religion, as it requires no prior belief, but simply a willingness to investigate. Tantra is a method of investigation, it is a way of living that helps us to open our hearts and minds and celebrate the whole of life.

What is Tantra Known For?

Tantra is well known for being associated with “spiritual sex” or “sacred sexuality. It is a belief that sex in itself ought to be recognized as a sacred act, which is capable of elevating its participants to a more sublime spiritual plane. Though “Lesbian Kama Sutra” has adopted many of the concepts and terminology of Indian Tantra, it omits the traditional reliance on guruparampara (the guidance of a guru), and traditional rules of conduct—both moral and ritualistic. We are mostly concerned with the extensive meditative practice of Tantra.

Tantra has become a more contemporary “Kama Sutra.” The “Kama Sutra” deals with the subtleties and technicalities of sexuality and was originally designed for the privileged class of Hindu society. Tantra is also a guide to passionate self-expression and proposes methods through meditation to achieve subjective awareness utilizing the five senses, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touch/feeling, to explore sensitivity and intimacy through dynamic meditation.

Below are five tips for sublime and sacred lesbian tantric sex:

1. Take it Slow

Foreplay is essential in Tantra. A leisurely, slow build helps one control longevity and arousal. The longer you linger in this process of building energy, the longer your session will last and the more energy you will build. Use this time to fully focus on each other. As in meditation, when your thoughts wander, gently guide your attention back to your partner and the magic of the moment at hand.

2. Leave Your Eyes Open  

Making love with your eyes open is one of the fundamentals of deep connection in intimacy. It is actually a lot harder to do than you might think. Move toward this idea as an intention rather than a rule and be amazed as the collection of glimpses that will reshape how you think about your partner and yourself. It is not easy to be seen, even by the people we love. Truly witnessing the act of love is profoundly transformative.

3. Breathe In Your Lover … Literally!

Breathing in harmony is one of the easiest ways to sync with your partner. Straddle your partner’s lap (called the yab-yom position) and inhale while they exhale and vice versa. As your partner breathes out, you’ll find yourself taking their breath into and down through your entire body. As you exhale, consciously attempt to energize the breath. In this way, you’re sharing all of yourself with your partner. Becoming conscious about your breath is central to all yogic practices and is foundational in Tantra.

4. Create An Intimate Space

The space you designate for your love sessions should be a comfortable as well as playful and relaxed. First, clear the room of any attention-grabbing clutter. Next, decorate with flowers, candles and cozy fabrics. Scent is very important to our sensuality. So try natural oils like jasmine, ylang-ylang or rose. Make sure your bed is as comfortable as possible with soft sheets and a number of pillows. Lastly, choose a soundtrack of music that you both like. Play it softly in the background to enhance your mood.

5. Enjoy Every Moment

Finally, the big “O” is not Tantra’s main objective. Instead, you attempt to prolong the act, increasing potent sexual energy and intimacy with your partner. If you focus only on having an orgasm, you will miss the amazing range of feeling and pleasure your love-making session has to offer.

Have you tried Tantra before? Tell us what you think in the comments below!


MIss Kitty

Miss Kitty is an author, energy healer, tantric sex coach and modern day priestess! She writes under several pen names and is an imaginary architect, a literary traveler and erotic arts master. Her line of erotica is a sensual feast for the mind and body; which range from soft and deeply romantic to hardcore and kinky. Miss Kitty also has a selection of books on lesbian relationships, dating, magic spell work for love and sex and much more! She is planning on releasing a book on lesbian tantric sex just in time for Christmas. Click here to visit her Amazon bookstore.

Slide Show: Andrea and Elizabeth’s Marriage Recognized in 30 States

Andrea and Elizabeth Swanby's marriage was recognized in their home state of Idaho and their new state of Arizona.

Andrea and Elizabeth Swanby’s marriage was recognized in their home state of Idaho and their new state of Arizona.

I loved reading about Andrea and Elizabeth on the Freedom to Marry website. The couple’s story was especially touching because they never expected their marriage to be recognized in two particular states–Idaho, Andrea’s home state, and Arizona, where they currently live. In fact they  legally married in California and had a wedding ceremony in Idaho.

Andrea also believed for a long time that her relatives would not accept their relationship, as her family is largely made up of conservative Mormons. However, she was proven wrong when her aunts, uncles, and grandparents all came to the wedding. “What is shocking for a lot of people in Idaho is that my family is Mormon and so accepting of our marriage,” she said.

“We did have our big beautiful wedding with all our supportive friends and family alongside us,” Andrea said. “We just needed Idaho to recognize what everyone around us does–that our marriage truly is traditional, loving, and equal: If my family can see love is love, so can Idaho!”

Andrea and Elizabeth met about four years ago through a mutual friend and have been inseparable since they began dating – they haven’t even spent more than a week apart in that time. “We have the same goals and vision,” Andrea said. “We balance each other out entirely. I laugh so hard I cry with her, and she knows what I’m going to say before I say it.”

Congratulations to this beautiful couple and enjoy photos from their wedding in the slideshow below.

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WATCH: Naledi & Gugu’s Simple South African Beach Wedding

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I loved this beautiful wedding video and photographs! Naledi and Gugulethu held their marriage ceremony on the beach in view of Robben Island in South Africa. Robben Island is probably most famously known for being where the late Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. Gugu’s father was also a political prisoner there. It is interesting to see that how much has changed and how much the revolutionary spirit of her father was passed on to Gugu. In addition to their white wedding dresses, the ladies also wore army booths on their special day.

Despite the wedding only having two guests, the couple seemed ecstatic. The day was simple, beautiful and clearly filled with love. Congratulations ladies!

Watch the video below!

Our Colourful Love: An Element of Freedom | Emdon Video | Camps Bay beach from Emdon Video on Vimeo.

Dating Diaries: The Importance of Meeting Her Family and Friends Right Away

It can be intimidating meeting your girlfriend's friends.

It can be intimidating meeting your girlfriend’s friends.

When people start dating, they generally don’t get to meet the family right away. After all, the thinking is, you should only introduce your new girlfriend to family and friends if you are in a serious relationship. I agree because I don’t generally feel comfortable meeting friends and family unless I know where things are going for us. I can’t remember how far we were into my last relationship before I met my ex’s friends, but I remember feeling a bit awkward. Why? Because meeting the friends and/or family is a major deal. Even if they are really nice, you know they are judging you. Even if your girlfriend doesn’t put much weight on what her friends think, you know they will counsel her regardless, because they love her and want the best for her.

Exactly one month ago, I met an amazing woman, we’ll just call her S and I’ve already met her family. I have my outgoing moments, so I can generally win people over. Even so I will stress and put off the meeting for as long as possible.

In this particular case with S, I had no control over when I would first meet her family and friends. She belongs to a very close-knit group of friends who are, for all intents and purposes, her family. The night we met, most of her family was already in attendance. I attended the party reluctantly because a close mutual friend invited me.

When S and I locked eyes that night, I didn’t think we’d end up spending any significant time together. About 10 days later, we went on our first date. The first date was okay. We had great conversation and mild attraction. It wasn’t until S asked for a quick meet up between her work and martial arts training, that things started to heat up. She worked and trained very close to my apartment so meeting her in the evenings became our thing.

Why I Caved

One of the things I admire about S is how open and free she is with her feelings. While I’m very private about everything, including who I’m dating, she is not!

Her friends noticed how happy and excited she was about our budding relationship. This meant they wanted to know who she was suddenly spending all this time with. Normally I would try to stall for as long as possible, but something inside me decided to stop being so controlling.

A couple weeks into our dating (at that time we weren’t even calling it dating), I accepted her invitation to watch “Scandal” with her and her friends. Meeting the friends wasn’t as hard as I thought, partly because we already shared a close mutual friend, and partly because we were so engrossed in the show. After the show, we sat in the backyard around the fire pit and chatted. Was it awkward at times? Yes, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.

On Saturday she stopped by my house and had a friend in tow who wanted to meet me. I was hot and sweaty after a run and was not looking my best. Fortunately I was in the shower and missed that friend.

Can You Stay Together After the Honeymoon?

WakingUpLovelyLogo

Love is great when there are no problems, but what happens after the honeymoon period ends? Image courtesy of Essence.com

Love is great when there are no problems, but what happens after the honeymoon period ends? Image courtesy of Essence.com

You know that “love at first sight” story that will make all of your friends jealous? It’s often followed by a period of bliss, when you get into a relationship, and everything is perfect (i.e. sex, conversations, and the love). Such statements like “I don’t think we will ever argue” will come up and you think everything is perfect, but then … that first argument happens and you find out that the person you thought was so perfect and so magical is now human.

This first argument will cause doubt, it will last for a while and it will be hurtful. Hell, some new couples don’t make it past the first argument. But that is when you know the honeymoon is over and now it is time for reality and the awkward moments. You will start thinking about things that you will and will not stand for; you will have doubts, and even trust issues. It is the moment when you look at your partner and ask “are you the right one for me?” Ugh! Those moments are not easy at all, especially for me. And it’s funny because with my previous relationships (lovers and friends) I knew exactly where a person stood in my life, I knew if the relationship was temporary or permanent (which the majority were very temporary … until now).

For my partner and I, the honeymoon ended after I moved in. We had our first big argument and we broke up for 5 minutes. Well, maybe 30 minutes … thus, a readjustment. Prior to this argument, we really didn’t see the human side of each other, but when we did, all hell broke loose. To be honest, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It was like everything I was doing was wrong and everything she would say or do was hurtful to me. We were in battle. But somehow we both surrendered. I do not know how peace came into the situation but, everything became clear, I knew what I fighting for and every tear I shed was worth it. I know I sound like Tamar Braxton’s song Love and War, but it’s true. I had to re-evaluate—is this my forever person or not? I am sure she was thinking the same. I know she had her doubts. But I am happy that we got through it.

Communication is Key

Now don’t get me wrong, the water isn’t always still. Occasionally we have some severe weather, a few micro bursts here and there, but once it is over, it is over and it’s back to business. I had to learn not to harbor on things. If you let it fester in your spirit for too long, it will just eat you alive and negatively affect whoever is around you. So my method is to let it go and let whatever I am feeling, out! Communication is key! I am still learning how to navigate through my feelings, to discern those which are valid from those that are b.s. and I am learning how to pick my battles.

I have to be honest; I am quick to say stuff out of my mouth without thinking. If I have a feeling or a thought, I will just say it without thinking it through. However, I have come to realize that everything I say is not worth the argument that will ensue afterward. And recently, my partner told me that I was combative. For the record I don’t agree with that assessment! I had never been told that from anyone I ever dated. So as I was arguing back with her, detailing how I was not combative, I realized that I was proving her point. Learning how to pick my battles is a good practice.

We can all learn together, because TRUST is hard! And learning how to be the bigger person is also hard. Conceding to what you perceive is wrong is aggravating and feels like a frog in your chest but the peace that follows is priceless. I am still learning, but I think me and my honey are getting the hang of each other pretty well. I am very grateful for our post honeymoon battle because it allowed me know that we can work through anything. And what we have now is great!

As always … be luvly.

 


 

Luvly Jones is the oldest of three, daughter of a Christian pastor and enjoys writing poetry and short stories. After dating a plethora of women, resulting in many life lessons she now shares her life with the woman she believes is “the one.” In this space she shares her journey of awareness, love, conflicts and getting through a relationship without getting arrested.

Walida & Tamara: A Sweet, Same-Sex Wedding Surprise

Tamara and Walida exchange happy looks and smiles at their outdoor wedding ceremony.

Tamara and Walida exchange happy looks and smiles at their outdoor wedding ceremony.

Walida and Tamara who live in Syracuse, N.Y., celebrated their wedding on September 27. The two originally planned to marry in July 2015, but Walida decided to surprise her bride, Tamara, with an earlier wedding date. Walida made all the plans and kept the new date a secret until about a month before the wedding. They share their wedding story below:

Black Lesbian Love Lab (BL3): How did you meet?

Walida: We met almost three years ago outside of a bar called Daisy Duke in our local town.

BL3: What attracted you to her?

Walida: Her smile and body and the way she carried herself made me stop and listen.

Tamara: Her infectious smile and beauty attracted me to her.

BL3: When did you realize she was the one? 

Walida: I couldn’t live without her in my life I tried and it drove me crazy.

Tamara: Because I knew I could not live life without her in it.

BL3: Tell us about the wedding. What was your favorite part?

Walida: The wedding was a little crazy but all our children were there and participated in the wedding and our best friends. The best part for me was seeing her dance with her father. It brought tears to my eyes.

Tamara: My wedding was hectic and beautiful. It started at 6:45 a.m. and ended about 9 p.m. It was special because all of our kids was there and participated.

BL3: Together you have seven children (four at home). Why was it important to have them all involved in the wedding?

Walida: Our children were very influential in our decisions. They wanted us together. They are all taking my last name … because they wanted to feel like a family all the way.

Tamara and Walida exchange a kiss at their September wedding.

Tamara and Walida exchange a kiss at their September wedding.

BL3: Were there any traditions that you kept for the ceremony?

Walida: We did our own little thing. I’m Muslim and she is Christian so there is no blending those cultures.

Tamara: We honestly didn’t keep any. We are definitely on our own page. The only thing I can really say was traditional was the white wedding dress.

BL3: Where was the wedding held?

Walida: The wedding was held at a local amphitheater because it was absolutely gorgeous.

What’s the Best Anniversary Gift? A Music Video That’s What

When it comes to coming up with a romantic gift, Shontai Bowen has us all beat! I just came across a really sweet music video that she made for her wife and best friend Tianna. The song was originally made in 2010. However, Shontai remixed the song and added a video to celebrate their first anniversary, which took place September 28.

The song also included their young daughter spitting some verses in support of the “best mommies in the world.” Calling her wife a star, Shontai also says: “With you I’m powerful, radiant, phenomenal. I fell for you like the effect of some dominoes.”

Check out the best anniversary gift below:

Gallery: Couples Who Make Our Hearts Flutter

Today Autostraddle, a queer women’s blog, put together an incredible list of 21 queer and trans couples of color. They explain that “Visibility for lesbian and queer couples is better than it’s ever been but still not as great and inclusive as it could be, which is why The Speakeasy took matters into our own hands.” 

The list shares how the couples met and what brought them together. Below we’ve added some of our favorites who happen to be black and in a lesbian relationship.

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7. Jay-Marie Hill and Linda Chen

Masculine of center, interracial, and in love! The two hope that their existence and visible presence as a queer couple in the community can help break boundaries, and defy stereotypical images and expectations around what queer, brown love can look like, and we love that. They are Taiwanese-American; Black, Boricua & White.

9. Kai Dionna and Alisha Nieh

Alisha is Taiwanese-American and Kai is African-American. These QPOC cutie pies just spent their first anniversary together in Thailand, on a spontaneous year-long adventure teaching English to wee ones. They met while Kai was wearing, you know, nothing. A mutual friend (Hey, Camille!) brought Alisha to a party Kai was throwing. Alisha got there fashionably late (or right on time if you catch our drift) during a riveting game of Strip Kings Cup. By the end of the night, Alisha knew Kai was the girl she wanted to eat 3 lbs of bacon with the next weekend. “We’re gross. We’re also in love.” Follow their adventures on Instagram at: #theadventuresofalishankai

12. Shawnte Craig and Tavia Jackson

Shawnte writes, “We met through mutual friends and reconnected on Facebook. We both identify as lesbian but Tavia (the femme presenting one) is the more dominant partner. Since I’m very emotional, we often joke that Tavia is my boyfriend.” We really dig their color-coordinated Rockabilly outfits!

Click here to see the complete list and read more about the couples.