Asha & Valencia Tie The Knot At City Hall

Asha Hill and Valencia Walker hold hands on the way to their wedding ceremony. Photo by Steven Solidarious

Asha Hill and Valencia Walker hold hands on the way to their wedding ceremony. Photo by Steven Solidarious

Asha Hill and Valencia Walker met 10 years ago. “From the first time I saw Asha, I was intrigued by her wit and athleticism,” Valencia said. “Nonetheless, I knew things were not going to be as easy as I would have liked it to be, given we were both in a relationship at that time.” The two reconnected two years ago in Atlanta and have been inseparable since then. 

Although they live in Texas, Asha and Valencia married on pride weekend in San Francisco and shared their day with L Style G Style in a story titled “A Wedding to Remember.” Despite not having their marriage recognized in Texas, Valencia advises couples who live in states where their marriages are not legally recognized, to “Keep loving who you love and be proud of who you are. Keep yourself informed and participate in activities that support LGBT [communities]. My hope is that Texas will be the next state to approve gay marriages. It’s a long road but it’s just the right thing to do.” Asha said she was thrilled to “have found the one who was compatible to me, my best friend … my wife.”

Asha Hill and Valencia Walker were legally wed at the San Francisco City Hall.  Photo by Steven Solidarious

Asha Hill and Valencia Walker were legally wed at the San Francisco City Hall. Photo by Steven Solidarious

Although the wedding took place at city hall, it had an intimate yet glamorous feel. The beautiful brides limited their wedding party to two close friends and even drove themselves to their own wedding.

The best part of the video comes at the end when the two, styling in their shades, enjoy their post-nuptial meal. Watch the video to see what it is.

Click here to read the couple’s L Style G STyle interview and watch the video.

 

Slide Show: Famous Black Lesbians & The Women Who Love Them

I didn’t grow up seeing stories of women in love. The books, magazine articles and movies I saw, all included a man and a woman. Imagine my excitement when I started seeing more same-sex couples in the media, especially famous lesbians. While seeing famous women publicly honoring, loving and supporting their female partners, I had to admit, I was always especially excited to see a black lesbian among them—someone like me!

Below is a gallery of famous black women and the women who love them! If I’m missing a couple, please let me know and I’ll happily add them. Click any picture to scroll through the gallery.

Watch: Jeannie & Monique’s Beautiful Wedding Story

Jeannie and Monique wedding Last Sunday was no ordinary day for Monique and Jeannie. It marked the day they married each other in Farmingham, Minn. Jeannie says of the day, “My soulmate and I completed our family on August 24, 2014. Together we have 2-year-old twins MaKenzie and Madison and a 5-year-old MaKayla. Love is the glue that holds us together.”

The couple, who have been together for nearly four years, wrote their own vows. Calling Monique her Sunday kind of love, Jeannie said, “I now know true love is possible and I know that I’ve found that in you. I know that until the day I die, I will hold onto you.”

Monique responded with, “I can’t see my life without you. You are my best friend.” She also promised to do something that should be in every wedding vow: “I promise to always listen and attempt to understand your feelings and to love you unconditionally and be there for you no matter the obstacles.”

The video shows the brides tearing up and their beautiful children, family and friends. The soundtrack is especially beautiful as they selected the song “Melodies” from Dara McClean.

 

I especially loved these lyrics:

“There’s nothing wrong with our love

So real I can’t get enough

Words can’t sum it up

I just want to be with you.”

 

Congratulations ladies! Enjoy the short and sweet video below 🙂

Being Gay in Kenya: ‘I’m a refugee in my country’

Story by Tom Witherow/The Independent

Despite facing violence and imprisonment, Mary Muthui continues to fight for LGBT rights.

Despite facing violence and imprisonment, Mary Muthui continues to fight for LGBT rights.

Every scar on Mary Muthui’s head and body tells a story of the harsh persecution that gay Kenyans face every day.

Mary is an LGBT activist in the east African country, and one of very few lesbians to come out in the media. Her work has made her a constant presence in the press – a positive for the movement, but something for which she, her girlfriend and her 12-year-old son have suffered dearly.

Three years ago she and a friend were walking down one of Nairobi’s busiest roads, when she was approached by a group of men who had noticed her T-shirt; “Proudly Lesbian”, read the slogan. Mary explains how she ran after the group attacked.

“I crossed the road and kept running. But they caught up and shouted that I should come back and find my friend, who they had grabbed. So I went back and they said: ‘Let’s go.’ They raped us for close to three hours.” There were nine men.

Her son was conceived in a similar attack with six men, during which her head was slashed by a machete. She parts her hair to show the 3in scar where the blade struck, before saying that it was during that same attack that she contracted HIV.

Click here to read more of Mary’s heartbreaking story at The Independent.

Are Lesbians As “Dickmatized” As Straight Women?

Written by Iesha/Get Your Life Girl

You may or may not know the meaning of “Dickmatized”, so let me break it down. In 2011 singer Jill Scott coined the term in an interview with Sister 2 Sister magazine. During the interview Jill Scott revealed that she used to be “Dickmatized”. She explained the term as, “When you get caught up in the whole sexuality of your relationship but it’s not going anywhere. Just somebody giving you the good but not necessarily giving you the rest – or not expecting the rest from them.”

Let me set the scene for you. It’s Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in adorable Brooklyn cafe. My table is right near the wall which leads to an open deck. The weather is gorgeous, patrons are hip and attractive, the ambience is relaxed and the music at a perfect volume; smooth and melodic. Just think Love Jones, but restaurant style. This kind of character and aura does not happen often.  Usually a restaurant in Brooklyn is loud, the patrons are rude and entitled and the staff is annoyed. That’s the classic New York vibe you will get. Needless to say I was happy I decided to come out.  As I sipped on my strong sangria, a group of friends sat at the table directly across from me. The three gorgeous friends look extremely comfortable with each other, and immediately start their girl talk. I didn’t pay their conversation much attention. It was the usual, ‘how is work’, ‘how’s your kids’, and ‘what you been up to’, conversations; the customary touching base questions all friends ask.

Once the friends started drinking their demure demeanor took a turn to the left. The lowered voices they started with were now squeals of womanly laughter that made me chuckle. I love my friends and I know sometimes we get a little too loud so I couldn’t help but smile. The conversation turns to sex and of course my censors went off and I went to flinching my ears like they were antennas. I was going to catch all this random sex tea from these strangers. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were loud, like they wanted me to hear it. So I obliged and listened!

One woman with a head full of a exquisite natural red kinky curls said, “He had the nerve to ask me to borrow $200, like he’s going to pay it back. You know I already gave him money a couple weeks ago. But I said fuck it, let me give it to him. That dick is so good.”

Are You With Her for Love or Convenience?

WakingUpLovelyLogoEveryone knows that in today’s economy two incomes are better than one, so living with a partner is now the norm. When the topic of cohabitating came up between my partner and I, it was an easy decision to make. It didn’t make sense for me to be paying rent in a place that I was not staying. I literally was at her house every night. So we did it. I broke my lease and moved right in.

When I told my girls what I was doing, they were like, “Great! What are the arrangements?” I told them that everything would be split down the middle. A silence came over our lunch table. They asked, “Why? If she is already managing the rent herself, why are you paying half? I mean I can see paying a couple bills but why half?” Then the last comment was killer: “Shout out to the red flag.” I thought to myself, a red flag? How could that be a red flag? If someone was to move in with me, I would expect her to pay half of the rent. So why would I not expect the same because moved into someone else’s home? I told my friends that they had straight mindset, and they said, “No, it’s a dom and femme thing too.” (Side bar: My partner does not identify as dom but her characteristics are very dominate.) My friend’s point was to have me question if this move-in plan was for love or convenience.

Happy Anniversary to Sweethearts Keyshia and Kierra

Kierra and Kierra have been together since 2005.

Kierra and Keyshia have been together since 2005.

Keyshia and Kierra have been together going on 10 years! This couple (25 and 28) live in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., and have a daughter together. They became a couple on August 20. If it wasn’t for Myspace, we may not be sharing this couple’s story today.

“When I first lay my eyes on Kierra, I was in high school. But I never told her I had a crush on her,” said Keyshia. “Then we lost contact. She went into the Navy. I was searching everywhere for her and [found] her on MySpace. That’s when we started talking and we both told each other how much we loved each other. That’s when we promised each other not to ever leave each other again.”

Kierra proposed to 16-year-old Keyshia on their second date. Keyshia says Kierra is her first and last love. They got married on August 20, 2012.

See more pictures of this lovely couple in the gallery below. 

 

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Black Lesbian Couple Kicks off “Portrait of Love” Series

Shaun and Jameese Cox are head over heels in love.

Shaun and Jameese Cox are head over heels in love.

Although they met years ago at a birthday party, Jameese Cox still remembers the day she laid eyes upon the woman who would one day become her wife.  “I thought man she is beautiful! It was just something about her that had my wheels spinning.”

Shaun and Jameese were the first to participate in Jessica Arnold’s “Portraits of Love” project. The series features committed LGBT couples and their love story. Jessica says, “We are not so different. It is the same love and NO ONE is less.” 

Jessica said, while photographing this couple, she noticed “their complete adoration for each other. They were like newlyweds. Their love is genuine and beautiful.”

The couple is excited about this project and Jameese says, “I hope that by doing this project we could possibly change someone’s feelings toward a gay/lesbian relationship. I want the world to know that I love my wife! We are good people, and we deserve our constitutional rights.”

Click here to see more awesome photos and read more of this couple’s heartwarming story. 

 

Shaun and Jameese recently celebrated their third wedding anniversary.

Shaun and Jameese recently celebrated their third wedding anniversary.

When I Traded in My Girlfriend for a Wife

Kate Davis (right) is proud to call the woman she married, four years ago, her wife.

Kate Davis (right) is proud to call the woman she married, four years ago, her wife.

Can lesbians have wives? Can lesbians be wives? Isn’t the term “wife” smack of ownership, oppression and heteronormativity? Considering how non-traditional lesbian unions are, the term wife may give some people pause. Six months after marrying her longterm partner in a church ceremony, Kate Davis was still struggling with this word. In a piece for Tue Night, she explains the struggle:

“Wife is such a loaded word for lesbians. When I married my girlfriend, it took at least six months before I could call her wife. I’d skate around the issue; she was my partner, my spouse, my lover. All of those words seemed more appropriate than wife. Wife comes with ownership — baggage neither of us could carry.

… The word “wife” reeks of subjugation and roles we couldn’t play. We are partners in almost every sense of the word. We are eldest daughters; no one is going to tell us what to do, think or be. The concept was contrary to who are.”

And so Davis and her wife decided that for them, the word “wife” did not have to be tied to old ideas.

Click here to read Davis’ entire piece.

 

 

Why You Should Probably Just Stay Single

20140320-095951 “I’m just not ready to be fucking anybody everyday.” My friend’s honest revelation had me laughing. She was telling me the story of how she met this woman on line who had seemed like the one! But after two phone conversations, my friend was done.

My friend never seems to have any trouble attracting women, but it had been years since her last relationship and she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to change that. In fact, she seemed to be a little too comfortable in her spinisterish ways. I was mildly surprised that she had given up so quickly on someone who seemed to be the one. But my friend said she decided to drop this woman because she started demanding that my friend call her everyday and chase and cater to her in a way that my friend was not excited about. Especially after two days.

I recently wrote about how scared I was to be in a relationship, and this week, I thought I would delve a bit into the real things that keep relationships from working period. Sometimes we are so focused on what we don’t want in the other person that we don’t look at ourselves. It’s not hard to find red flags when you are running or afraid of getting into another relationship. But if you’re happy and secure by yourself, then you’re not going to be eager to make certain compromises just to be with someone. The relationships we fantasize about in our heads don’t always hold up in reality and sometimes it’s just better to save yourself and her the heartache and just stay single.

Just Admit it, Dating is Too Much Work!

So yes, my friend is wise. She admitted to me that she really didn’t want to be bothered with the work of a relationship right now because her heart wasn’t in it. Especially with somebody she wasn’t really into. She was going to go at her own pace until she felt inspired/interested in making the effort.

I dated someone who said she didn’t want to be in a relationship from the beginning, and even though she changed her mind, I should have believed what she said because her actions spoke loud and clear. When I expressed certain concerns to her, she dismissed me or told me I was crazy. She was happy doing things her way and had little interest in seeing my perspective. I eventually got tired of doing all the compromising and giving in.

I’ve also been the one who said I wanted to be in a relationship but honestly didn’t give two shits about working with my partner to make our relationship a harmonious one.